Saturday, 2 April 2011

** 6th day chaste **

i am writing this post quite late at night and i am rather tired! i have finally arrived back home and am back in my college. It feels like an eventful two weeks in both London and with Master and this my arrival back in town was rather busy: a catch-up and dinner with A, my closest friend in the UK, and then a catch-up with DL and a big discussion about life with Master and my first visit to Master and then a rather long skype conversation with my parents.

Earlier today in London i went to the Borough Markets and then to the BFI for the LGBT Film Festival with a friend, so all in all, a lovely Saturday spent with friends and talking to family. The Film Festival inspired some thoughts in me and i want to discuss and elaborate on those further on this blog, but i think i will wait until tomorrow when i am feeling fresher and more alert.

The most important thing that happened today however was that Master and i had our first "thing". i am not really sure what to call this "thing" because it was not really a disagreement or anything like that, but rather a misunderstanding that was quickly resolved.

Earlier this afternoon while on the DLR heading to the train, i checked Master's blog to see whether He had updated it. i check Master's blog quite regularly (usually at least 2 or 3 times a day) so whenever Master has an update i am normally able to read them quite soon after. When i checked Master's blog this afternoon, i saw that Master had posted quite a lovely post about His ownership of me, but Master had also included a pic of me which i felt had my face quite visible.

One of the absolute conditions of my slavery is no face pictures. This rule is something i have always maintained and although for a time i had a face picture on my recon profile, i was careful to ensure it was a non-BDSM picture. This rule is to protect both my career and professional reputation and also for those with whom i have worked in the past.

The picture Master posted of me had part of face obscured and blurred, but i felt that it was still quite recognisable as me. My initial reaction was to feel mortified, followed by anger and hurt. i was angry and hurt that an identifiable picture of me was on the internet (from which it is very difficult to ever properly remove images) and also for myself for not being clear enough about the face picture rule with Master. To be honest, i also felt rather aggrieved because i felt that i had had a specific conversation with Master about discretion given my prior work history and i felt Master had understood how significant this was for me.

Within minutes of noticing the picture i had txted Master about the issue and to His utmost credit, Master immediately removed the picture.

For me, i felt the situation was quite devastating; for my entire trip on the Underground (from one end of London to the other) and then the train trip back home i could think of little else. The whole situation played on my mind: i felt hurt and disappointed. For me, it felt that Master had not understood something that was so significant and so important to me, and that made me feel quite worried.

The rational part of my mind, however, acknowledged that it was a misunderstanding: i felt it was out of character for Master to do something like this to me; and i acknowledged that Master had attempted to blur out part of my face. It felt so out of character because Master had always acted towards me with kindness and care; as i have previously commented, Master is a true gentleman. This evening in conversation, DL suggested that perhaps Master did what he did in an effort to push or expand one of my perceived limits; but i do not think this is so. i had (and still have) the clear impression Master understand this rule is not a condition or limit on which i wish to be pushed.

When i arrived home i still felt quite agitated and i thought the best approach would be to talk to Master. Hearing Master's voice on the phone, i knew i had done exactly the right thing in calling. Just hearing Master's voice automatically felt better. Master explained that He had acted immediately - even though at work - to remove the photo and for this i am extremely grateful. Master was apologetic and extremely understanding; and my mind set at ease.

So what i have i learnt from this experience? The Master-slave relationship - like any other relationship - involves both good times and bad times. No matter how devoted the slave is; and no matter how protecting and empathetic the Master; it is impossible for two human minds to agree and understand every issue the same way. What happened was a simple misunderstanding. The way both Master and i handled it however, was a demonstration of the strength and the commitment of our Master-slave relationship.

From the slave perspective, i felt that i approached the issue sensibly and respectfully: in my txt and conversation with Master i think i certainly let Master know my emotive state and how i felt; but i also addressed Master respectfully as "Sir" and using the correct grammar. From the Master perspective, Master immediately acknowledged my concern and acted upon it. In doing what He did, Master demonstrated that the care of me - His slave - was His number one concern and that, for me, was truly moving.

DL asked me whether this affected my trust in Master. my response, was that the whole experience actually enhanced my trust and faith in Master. The crucial thing was not the misunderstanding that occurred; but two other things:

(1) The fact that Master had created a safe and secure environment such that when i had a genuine issue, i felt no hesitation in raising it with Master directly. In other words, Master had created a relationship where i felt i could be completely honest and open with Master;

(2) Having raised my issue with Master, Master immediately acted upon it and acted to reassure me and comfort me. Master demonstrated that it was His priority and was actively concerned for the interests of His slave.

i hope the most important thing that Master and i can take from this experience is that already our relationship is strong and secure. A slave must trust his Master completely and i trust my Master completely. i know now that if i ever have a fear, doubt, question etc i can raise it openly and honestly with Master.

i wear my Master's collar with pride. My Master is a "Master" in the true sense of the word: He is a Master that slave can rely on always; He is a Master that i know i can trust to act honestly and genuinely in my best interests. i have said before how lucky i am to have Master in my life and i repeat those comments again.

Trust is one of the most important elements in the Master-slave relationship and i am proud to state clearly and without reservation that i trust my Master. We survived our first test and i believe our relationship is all the stronger for it.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 3rd day chaste **

At the moment i am on the train heading back to London. The last four days with Master seemed to have rushed by!

Heading back to London, it is a logical time to reflect on the last four days and what has happened; my expectations and how i feel “things” went. The first comment i must make at the outset was that i had an absolutely lovely time. In Master’s house i was made to feel welcome, i was comfortable and i was very, very happy.

The biggest hope or expectation i had from the visit was to experience what 24/7 slavery might be like. To clarify in my own mind whether i was indeed the slave i thought i was. On this point my expectations were clearly meet: i know i am a slave and i know i can make the slave commitment (and have made that commitment for the next three months at least). Throughout my time with Master i loved Master’s control, orders and direction.

By day 2 Master had my unquestioning trust and there was no doubt in my mind that i enjoyed following His orders and directions. Something that i found myself enjoying more than i expected too was Master’s control in public. Wearing Master’s collar in public was fantastic and i loved Master exercising control in public. Serving Master publicly was an enormous thrill for me and something i am keen to explore and be part of further.

Thinking about it all, i am actually finding it hard to put my feelings into words because quite simply, i am just really happy and really pleased with how it all went. At the end of the day, things were just fantastic and that is great!

Amongst the things i particularly enjoyed was sitting at Master’s feet while eating and talking, and i loved the way Master touched and fondled my body. Something that i am very quickly noticing about slavery as compared with being a sub is the exclusivity of the physical contact that slavery brings. As Master is the only one who touches me, Master’s touch and caresses count for a great deal to me and are especially significant. i am noticing that the merest touch of my body by Master generates an attempted erection on my part and last night when Master measured me with a measuring tape i was leaking pre-cum in buckets!

The other thing i noticed about myself was how much i conscientiously followed Master’s rules and regulations; even when Master was not home. For the whole time i was with Master in His house, i did not use the furniture at all. Even when i was on my own i complied with the Rules. For the times i was alone and working on my laptop i simply sat on the floor in Master’s upstairs bedroom (as it was warmer and i could see from the window when Master arrived home) and worked. Likewise, if Master was physically present i never went to the toilet without permission even waiting for my morning toilet visit until after breakfast.

One of the things i did find more challenging was not wearing shoes in the house, particularly when the floor was cold. At the same time, i enjoyed this because a slave’s life is not meant to be comfortable and i enjoyed the minor discomfort of this. In the same way, i enjoyed Master’s control over my daily appearance: no deodorant, no gels, no products, no moisturisers was a unique and different experience for me; but it meant i was more focused on Master than on myself. Furthermore, it ensured that i was totally in the right mindset for a slave as compared with my vanilla world.

Looking to the future i am excited and optimistic for how my relationship with Master can further grow.

In future meets two things i am looking forward to is Master exercising increasing control over me and to more (and more intense) BDSM. This first meet was important for both Master and i to meet each other properly and after four days with me i think Master knows a lot more about the type of person i am and i know a lot more about Master and His life.

i was very much aware that throughout the visit Master took pains to make me feel comfortable and relaxed and to reassure me that He had my best interests at heart. And i can assure Master that this was successful. As i said above, i trust Master completely and without hesitation. Know that our relationship has been firmly established and grounded in a knowledge of what we are each like as people, it is possible for Master to exercise greater control in areas where He wants to.

Furthermore, know that basic parameters have been established, i am realistic and prepared for future sessions. i am prepared for Master to be more assertive and to punish me for things which are not done correctly or as well as He wishes. And i am prepared for this now, because i have the solid foundation of knowing what kind of person Master is, and therefore i know He is fundamentally and an extremely kind, generous and decent person. Master is a gentleman.

Because the foundations have been so solidly laid, as a slave i prepared and excited for the future. Rather than moving too quickly, Master has comforted me by making me feel safe and secure in His home before we make things more intense and this is something i am pleased about.

As for bondage, i have no doubt this will increase in future visits when time is not an issue. i simply can not wait for Master to push and expand my perceived limits in this area. One of the things i both loved and hated was that Master only allowed me to cum once on the Sunday night. i loved it because Master is controlling me and i always thought it would be great to experience a meet without cumming and only being able to focus on Master’s pleasure. i hate it though because serving Master makes me feel so horny and i know i now have to wait at least 8 days before i even have the possibility of cumming again! A subtle hint to Master here … one of my other fantasies, along with a prostate milking, is to be milked until a dry or empty orgasm if possible …

One of the things i am particularly happy about is that i believe Master and i have excellent communication flow. In my opinion, Master communicates very well and to me it is readily apparent from his language and his body and facial expressions what His mood is. To me, Master is clear and unambiguous in what He wants and expects and i am very happy with that. For my end of the bargain, i believe i communicate my thoughts, concerns, desires etc well and that Master is able to be fully aware of what i think.

Sitting in the train, wearing Master’s vanilla collar, back in chastity, i am excited about what the next three months will bring. i firmly believe i will come out of the next three months not only as a better, more devoted and dedicated slave; but a richer and more fulsome person.

Already i am very, very fond of Master. i am optimistic and confident about our relationship, because i enjoy Master’s company and relish spending time with him. An important aspect for any Master-slave relationship to work. I simply love serving Master in every aspect and i loved being able to serve him sexually. Serving Master sexually was perhaps the highlight of my visit and as stated in yesterday’s post; i love Master’s cock!

The next three months are going to be fantastic. i can’t wait to visit Master again – i’m already counting down the next eight nights until i’m back at Master’s feet!