Wednesday, 30 March 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 3rd day chaste **

At the moment i am on the train heading back to London. The last four days with Master seemed to have rushed by!

Heading back to London, it is a logical time to reflect on the last four days and what has happened; my expectations and how i feel “things” went. The first comment i must make at the outset was that i had an absolutely lovely time. In Master’s house i was made to feel welcome, i was comfortable and i was very, very happy.

The biggest hope or expectation i had from the visit was to experience what 24/7 slavery might be like. To clarify in my own mind whether i was indeed the slave i thought i was. On this point my expectations were clearly meet: i know i am a slave and i know i can make the slave commitment (and have made that commitment for the next three months at least). Throughout my time with Master i loved Master’s control, orders and direction.

By day 2 Master had my unquestioning trust and there was no doubt in my mind that i enjoyed following His orders and directions. Something that i found myself enjoying more than i expected too was Master’s control in public. Wearing Master’s collar in public was fantastic and i loved Master exercising control in public. Serving Master publicly was an enormous thrill for me and something i am keen to explore and be part of further.

Thinking about it all, i am actually finding it hard to put my feelings into words because quite simply, i am just really happy and really pleased with how it all went. At the end of the day, things were just fantastic and that is great!

Amongst the things i particularly enjoyed was sitting at Master’s feet while eating and talking, and i loved the way Master touched and fondled my body. Something that i am very quickly noticing about slavery as compared with being a sub is the exclusivity of the physical contact that slavery brings. As Master is the only one who touches me, Master’s touch and caresses count for a great deal to me and are especially significant. i am noticing that the merest touch of my body by Master generates an attempted erection on my part and last night when Master measured me with a measuring tape i was leaking pre-cum in buckets!

The other thing i noticed about myself was how much i conscientiously followed Master’s rules and regulations; even when Master was not home. For the whole time i was with Master in His house, i did not use the furniture at all. Even when i was on my own i complied with the Rules. For the times i was alone and working on my laptop i simply sat on the floor in Master’s upstairs bedroom (as it was warmer and i could see from the window when Master arrived home) and worked. Likewise, if Master was physically present i never went to the toilet without permission even waiting for my morning toilet visit until after breakfast.

One of the things i did find more challenging was not wearing shoes in the house, particularly when the floor was cold. At the same time, i enjoyed this because a slave’s life is not meant to be comfortable and i enjoyed the minor discomfort of this. In the same way, i enjoyed Master’s control over my daily appearance: no deodorant, no gels, no products, no moisturisers was a unique and different experience for me; but it meant i was more focused on Master than on myself. Furthermore, it ensured that i was totally in the right mindset for a slave as compared with my vanilla world.

Looking to the future i am excited and optimistic for how my relationship with Master can further grow.

In future meets two things i am looking forward to is Master exercising increasing control over me and to more (and more intense) BDSM. This first meet was important for both Master and i to meet each other properly and after four days with me i think Master knows a lot more about the type of person i am and i know a lot more about Master and His life.

i was very much aware that throughout the visit Master took pains to make me feel comfortable and relaxed and to reassure me that He had my best interests at heart. And i can assure Master that this was successful. As i said above, i trust Master completely and without hesitation. Know that our relationship has been firmly established and grounded in a knowledge of what we are each like as people, it is possible for Master to exercise greater control in areas where He wants to.

Furthermore, know that basic parameters have been established, i am realistic and prepared for future sessions. i am prepared for Master to be more assertive and to punish me for things which are not done correctly or as well as He wishes. And i am prepared for this now, because i have the solid foundation of knowing what kind of person Master is, and therefore i know He is fundamentally and an extremely kind, generous and decent person. Master is a gentleman.

Because the foundations have been so solidly laid, as a slave i prepared and excited for the future. Rather than moving too quickly, Master has comforted me by making me feel safe and secure in His home before we make things more intense and this is something i am pleased about.

As for bondage, i have no doubt this will increase in future visits when time is not an issue. i simply can not wait for Master to push and expand my perceived limits in this area. One of the things i both loved and hated was that Master only allowed me to cum once on the Sunday night. i loved it because Master is controlling me and i always thought it would be great to experience a meet without cumming and only being able to focus on Master’s pleasure. i hate it though because serving Master makes me feel so horny and i know i now have to wait at least 8 days before i even have the possibility of cumming again! A subtle hint to Master here … one of my other fantasies, along with a prostate milking, is to be milked until a dry or empty orgasm if possible …

One of the things i am particularly happy about is that i believe Master and i have excellent communication flow. In my opinion, Master communicates very well and to me it is readily apparent from his language and his body and facial expressions what His mood is. To me, Master is clear and unambiguous in what He wants and expects and i am very happy with that. For my end of the bargain, i believe i communicate my thoughts, concerns, desires etc well and that Master is able to be fully aware of what i think.

Sitting in the train, wearing Master’s vanilla collar, back in chastity, i am excited about what the next three months will bring. i firmly believe i will come out of the next three months not only as a better, more devoted and dedicated slave; but a richer and more fulsome person.

Already i am very, very fond of Master. i am optimistic and confident about our relationship, because i enjoy Master’s company and relish spending time with him. An important aspect for any Master-slave relationship to work. I simply love serving Master in every aspect and i loved being able to serve him sexually. Serving Master sexually was perhaps the highlight of my visit and as stated in yesterday’s post; i love Master’s cock!

The next three months are going to be fantastic. i can’t wait to visit Master again – i’m already counting down the next eight nights until i’m back at Master’s feet!

Tuesday, 29 March 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 2nd day chaste **

My third day in Master's service has been rather quiet so far. i started the day by waking before Master and bringing Master his morning coffee and then making Master's breakfast. Despite a small error with using bran rather than oats (thankfully i noticed before serving Master) the morning routine went well and i felt rather pleased that i was able to get it right for Master. i know i am still learning and there are probably quite a few things i am not doing quite right or as well as i could be, but i am keen to learn and to serve properly.

After breakfast Master allowed me to suck Him which i enjoyed immensely. i was a little bit concerned that my technique was not as good as it could be and it wasn't helped by my jaw being a bit tight (i think i will have to do stretching exercises!). Sexual service is also about Master and ensuring that Master's pleasure is absolute, so hence my worries about my performance are not motivated by a desire to impress Master per se, rather a desire to be as good as i possibly can be for Master.

In yesterday's post i spoke about how much i loved the affection that Master shows me. Another thing i love about Master is His cock and i absolutely love sucking and blowing Master. Serving Master this morning i thought that if i had wanted to (or been allowed to) i could possibly have cum in the chastity device because i was so turned on by sucking Master's cock. In the past although i have enjoyed oral sex it has never been top of my list; but sucking Master is absolutely wonderful!

This morning Master made me swallow His cum. It was not a shock to me and i was expecting that next time Master came i would eat it. Normally i do not like eating cum that much and have not eaten my own cum in a long time (possibly about eight years!). In the past when i have eaten cum i normally swallow it quickly and get a drink as soon as possible or, preferably, i have spat it out. With Master's cum i feel that things are different and i obviously did not spit it out, rather i swallowed it and did not have a drink until i needed one, allowing the taste of Master to remain in my mouth for some time afterwards.

Already i feel an absolute dedication and loyalty to my Master and it has only been three days. i feel extremely happy and content to be here with Him in his town. i understand that serving Master involves making sacrifices but they are sacrifices i am gladly making. The second key to my chastity device has already been posted to Master; i have emailed a Master I correspond with in New York to let him know the situation and i intend to update my recon profile in the very near future. My contract with Master is for three months and i have no intention of breaking my word or abusing Master's trust in me for the duration of the contract. After all, i want Master to keep me on!

After Master left for work, the morning was spent doing some sightseeing in Master's town and then the afternoon doing some chores and organising email and things of that like. i have also done some chores around the home for Master and have attempted to tidy up where i felt able to do so.

Being home alone does make me feel a little bit lonely but it also makes me realise how excited i am when Master walks through the door. i relish Master's control, Master's direction, Master's conversation and Master's touch.

i continue to be a happy little slave. My only sadness is that tomorrow i must leave for London again :-(

Sunday, 27 March 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 2nd cum for Master **

i am sitting on the train at the moment on my way to meet Master. Right now i am feeling rather excited but also quite nervous. My time is divided between thinking about what is to come; the beautiful English countryside rushing past the window and watching DVDs.

At Euston changing into the clothes Master had brought for me for was a surreal and exciting experience. Not surprisingly i felt quite self-conscious and was convinced everyone was starting at me, but in reality i was perhaps remarkably indistinguishable in the crowd. Putting on the clothes, checking my bag at left luggage and only carrying things Master wanted me to take made the whole experience seem very real.

My feelings right now are quite hard to put into writing: a mixture of nervousness, excitement and optimism. More than anything i am keen for this to go well. For so long now i have been searching for a Master to serve and the knowledge that it is only a matter of hours away is quite unusual. i am keen to impress my Master and to serve him without hesitation and without reservation.

For perhaps the first time i am not really sure what to write. Staring at my screen, i feel unable to come up with proper words to describe my emotions. The best way i can describe my attitude at the moment is one of just letting go and serving Master and enjoying this experience for all it is meant to be.

For such a long time i have waited and wanted for this experience; now it is here and no i am more nervous than anything i just keep telling myself to breath deeply; relax; trust in Master and just “go with it”.

Above all else though, i simply can’t wait to meet Master and begin!

From this point forward my post is being written after i met with Master. i am in the process of coming down from a post-cum high and my cock is still tingling from the estim as i write this part of the blog!

The initial meeting with Master went well: the collaring at the train station also happened so fast and before i knew it we were on the way to Master’s house. The drive to Master’s house was rather quiet. In situations where i am feeling either nervous or unsure of myself; i have two different types of reactions. In a professional setting, the dominant side of my personality tends to take charge and i either talk a lot and/or attempt to take charge. My other reaction, which sometimes occurs in a professional situation when i am surrounded by a number of high-ranking people, is to become shy and introverted.

In bondage situations i usually tend to become quite shy and tend not to talk. i was a little bit worried i was initially too quiet; but contented myself with Master’s early advice that i could speak when spoken too.

Shortly after we arrived at Master’s house, i began to relax completely and i felt quite comfortable and at home. i think (from my perspective at least) that once i began to relax my normal personality began to emerge!

The afternoon was spent getting to know Master’s house and Master’s lifestyle and i also helped Master finish constructing a wooden horse. i felt very comfortable in Master’s house and had no trouble with the Rules. The only time i felt rather self-conscious was going to the toilet and passing wind and defecating with the door open, but i think that in time even this will pass.

i felt that Master went out of His way to make me feel comfortable, relaxed and reassured in both His presence and His house and i am extremely grateful for this. The overall effect of this was that by the time we went out for dinner, i felt quite relaxed about wearing the more visible padlocked collar and addressing Master as “Sir”. i took the approach of ignoring the few people around us and focusing solely on Master.

Eating out with Master was great! All my life i have always enjoyed surprises (they appeal to my personality) and so i quite enjoyed having Master make all the decisions in the restaurant. It felt great to not even have to bother to pick up the menu. i think it’s the first time in my adult life i have ever gone out to a restaurant and not known anything about the menu, the available options or even the cost of an item!

Back at Master’s house, i did some chores for Master and helped Master with some research while Master concentrated on His work. My first bondage session with Master was fantastic and it was great to try out the new wooden horse Master had created.

In my opinion, only two things played on my mind during the session. Firstly, i sometimes worry that i talk too much during BDSM sessions. This seems to be a historical evolutionary feature for me: when i was much younger and only starting out with my early BDSM experiences (18 to 20 or so) a lot of Master’s commented that I was too “starfish” like and did not really communicate how i was feeling. i think sometimes i know do the opposite and comment on things too much; but i think it is better to over-communicate rather than under-communicate.

The other thing that played on my mind was cumming. Master said to me “Do you want to cum?” The honest answer to that question was “yes”, but i felt that want i wanted was irrelevant. My rather feeble response to Master “only if you want to cum” (or that was my intention) at least. Eventually i orgasmed when Master told me to cum.

For me, a slave has no say over whether he cums or not, so i wanted to say to Master “yes, i want to cum but only if you want me to cum” if you don’t want me to cum, i don’t want to cum then!

Being edged by Master was a fabulous experience because since i have been in chastity, the only hand that i have felt touch my cock (except from my own hands when cleaning and putting the device on) are Master’s hands. That was quite a surreal experience and made the impact of Master’s touch so much more powerful.

The other element i liked about the experience of cumming with Master was that it did not extend the session. Not unsurprisingly given my self-identification as a slave, i like long BDSM sessions. Previously i have always been reluctant to cum for fear that it will end the session (which it usually does). Given i am here with Master for at least another three days, there is no fear of an orgasm ending “the session” in this situation!

All in all a fantastic day and a wonderful start to this new chapter in my life as a slave. i am not particularly sure what my expectations were to begin with, but i do feel as if my expectations have been exceeded!

Saturday, 26 March 2011

** 12th day chaste **

This is quite a short post as unfortunately i don't have internet access and i am typing this on my iPhone which although very tech-savy, is not particularly practical.

Only one day left until i meet with Master! i am now feeling absolutely excited and meeting Master is the main thing on my mind. i feel like i am constantly hard and leaking precum inside my chastity device!

One of the other things that has been happening of late, is that Master has been able to follow my travels around the south-east of England via Google Latitude's tracking device. Master recently obtained an iPhone of his own and asked me to investigate whether an alternative tracking device could be installed but despite my search efforts, I have not found a better or more effective tracking advice that Google Latitude.

What i love about Google Latitude is that it ensures complete honesty. But providing Master with the ability to see where i am at any given moment, it is not possible to hide where i have been or to hide the fact that i may have been somewhere Master has prohibited me from going. A slave has nothing to hide from his Master and Google Latitude ensures this.

Only one more sleep until i see Master and i cannot wait to be on my knees in front of Master at the train station and being collared. it feels like a whole new chapter of my life is about to begin!

Friday, 25 March 2011

** 11th day chaste **

Today, i am writing this post for this blog at a Starbucks on Oxford Street in London. i left the National Archives earlier this today so that i could spend some time shopping for a birthday gift for my Mum but unfortunately i left the Archives without typing this blog. Hence an afternoon adventure of attempting to find a Starbucks (so i could use the WI-FI) and purchasing the card etc. It has been a little bit of a frustrating afternoon, but a slave has to make sacrifices to follow though on his commitments to his Master and Master was keen that i blog every day this week. And as an obedient slave that is what i am doing.

In yesterday's post i discussed at great length my views on grammar and BDSM. Master did not reply directly to me with instructions but made His views known in His own blog. Master's views regarding the use of language and pronouns largely agreed with mine with one critical difference, Master believes that "[slaves] should also eschew the use of the capital 'i' in recognition of their status". Thus as Master's word is law for me, i am now abandoning use of the capital "i" in favour of the small i to indicate my status as a slave.

The process by which Master has indicated his preference on using personal pronouns as a slave is an interesting topic in and of itself. It causes me to reflect on the different ways a Master can indicate his control and preferences to his slave. In a sense (and at the risk of sounding blasphemous) it is rather similar to the sources of Islamic law!

In my opinion, this is the hierarchy by which a slave can deduce his Master's likely attitude or thoughts on a particular matter; and thus how a slave can set about complying with his Master's likely attitude:

(a) The most importance guidance for any slave is the words of the actual contract or agreement between the Master and the slave. In the usual circumstances this will outline the most fundamental parameters of the control the Master has over the slave;

(b) The contract or agreement is complement by the Master's express words and instructions to the slave;

(c) In the event that the first two "sources" of law fail to provide an answer, a slave can draw upon his Master's previous writings and thoughts on the topics, for example, where a Master has discussed his thoughts on a particular topic in a blog or in general conversation;

(d) Finally, if a slave has no guidance at all, he can usually make a logical deduction as to what his Master's attitude might be by basing his deduction on his Master's approach to similar but different issues and what the general practice of the BDSM community was.

In my situation, my Master had not outlined a particular practice for me to follow with respect to language; so therefore i was effectively operating in (d). Once my Master demonstrated a preference however - which was (c) in this case - i immediately ceased my previous practice to comply with what Master's views on the topic were.

So, the weekend is almost here and the time for me to meet my Master is fast approaching. At the moment i am feeling very excited and a little bit nervous. i am nervous because of care and i want to do well and impress my Master; but i am more excited and full of anticipation than anything else. Meeting Master and having the opportunity to spend four days with Him will be amazing. i have no doubt at the end of the four day period we shall know a lot more about each other and i will have a far greater understanding of what Master expects from me.

The challenge now is to relax and enjoy tonight and tomorrow before heading to Master's on Sunday. To get on the train at Euston will be such a liberating feeling - i will be dressed only in the clothes Master has organised for me; bringing with me only the limited items Master has already specified. The train trip itself will be an opportunity to reflect on what i want out of the experience and to reaffirm within myself the strength of the commitment i am making.

i am so keen to serve Master in the dedicated and devoted way i know he needs to be served. i have no doubt i will do my utmost to please Master and i know that Master will push my and expand my perceived limits.

i enter into my service with my eyes wide open. i know that it will be hard, at times boring and mundane (the unexciting side of slavery!) and at other times painful. But, this will be far outweighed by the joy i will have of bringing pleasure, comfort and enjoyment to Master's life.

For a long time i have been searching for a true Master to serve; i feel like i am only days away from meeting my Master and quite simply said, i can't wait!

Monday, 21 March 2011

** 7th day chaste **

Today has been a busy day. Almost from the moment I woke up I have been busy from Skype calls with my parents back home, quick catch-ups with friends and doing all the washing and making sure everything is tidy before heading off to the Archives for the week and then to see Master.

Before I go away I always like to make sure my "house is in order" and that I have everything clean and organised for my return, so today has been about making sure everything is clean and organised.

I am so excited about meeting Master. Knowing I will be heading down to London this afternoon and I won't be home again until I have met with Master, I'm actually having a preliminary sense of nerves and trepidation now! I know I will enjoy meeting with Master, but I am extremely excited about what may happen and I feel like I am a bundle of nervous energy and excitement at the moment. Packing the clothes that Master has chosen for me into my bag and making sure I have everything I might need, I feel like it's all about to happen.

I have been searching for search a long time to find the perfect Master and the thought that it may only be a few days away seems simply amazing for me. I feel more confident and more optimistic about this coming meet with Master than I have ever felt about a meet before. I sincerely hope that I meet Master's expectations and from my own humble position, I hope I have the opportunity to serve. I do have a good feeling about this coming meet and I am looking forward to the weekend.

One of the hard things about being in London this week will mean that it will be effectively impossible for me to speak to Master in the evenings on MSN as I will be staying with friends. Master has generously granted me a reprieve from this so that I may txt him before going to bed as an alternative.

I feel bad about this situation but I am not of any other way around it. I feel bad on two levels: I feel bad that Master has been inconvenienced because it is not an ideal situation for him; and I feel bad myself because I very much enjoy my conversations with Master and I look forward to them everyday. I organised my life wherever possible to home and online so I can speak to Master at 10pm.

In my current world, my dedication to Master has been an increasingly strong theme in my life. I have found that over the last two weeks that I have been in chastity that I have not been getting as hard or as horny as I previously used to. In fact, one of the few times I regularly get hard at the moment is when chatting to Master in the evening and when thinking about Master in bed before I go to sleep. I see this as a developing sign of my increasing mental submission to my Master. The mental aspect of chastity which I am embracing.

It has been a week since I have cum last and to be honest I do not really think about cuming very much any more. Since I have been chatting with Master regularly (which is around 8 March onwards), I have only cum once and as I previously blogged, it was not a great experience. I like the idea that my next cum will be with Master and at a time and in circumstances that he chooses.

I will wrap this post up here because I need to head to the train via the town. I feel like my a new chapter is about to begin!

Thursday, 17 March 2011

** 3rd day chaste **

This is the first time I have written on this blog (in the admittedly short it has been going) in which I have not been locked in chastity! My device was unlocked by my friend DL today so that I could spend a couple of days out of chastity just to make sure everything was okay, there was no swelling, I could still get hard etc!

So far it feels quite weird being out of chastity and my cock being "normal". When the lock was removed and I was able to take the device off, I was quite pleased with how my cock looked and felt. One of my big fears is that my cock will be unclean or smelly, but I was pleased to see my enhanced and proactive cleaning regime over the last week has been successful. I hate the idea that Master might have to see my cock being unclean when He takes off the device, so I want to ensure I am able to ensure my cock (which is actually His - that is, the cock attached to my body which he owns) is clean and hygienic for whenever he wants to see it or do something with it.

One of the consequences of being in chastity is that my hormones seemed to have slowed down quite dramatically. Although I still hard (within the confines of the cage) and horny, I'm not as horny as I used to be when I was cumming 2 or 3 times a day. My chastity started on Saturday, 5 March and since that time I have only cum once - when Master ordered me to cum on Monday, 14 March. Right now, although unlocked, I do not feel like cumming. My sense of devotion to Master right now is that I could not even think about cumming without his permission and Master has said I will not cum again until my visit. Therefore, I think mentally I subconsciously now I won't cum so therefore I don't think about it.

The big event of the last twenty-four hours was the arrival of Master's box. Master's box arrived at about 3pm in the afternoon and I placed it on my bed and txted Master whether I could open it. Master denied permission until he was able to talk to me first. I then spent the next seven hours attempting to wait patiently to hear from Master so I could be allowed to open the box. When Master did permit me to open the box, I was to do so in the slaveboys chatroom with the whole room able to watch on my cam.

It was a rather interesting experience. Unfortunately I am not great with technology, so I worried whether I was working the cam and chatroom correctly, but thankfully all went well on that front. Opening the box and seeing the clothing Master had choosen for me was absolutely fantastic and I enjoyed the experience. I was glad that Master also had a chance to see me.

The clothing Master has chosen for me is great and I feel absolutely honoured and privileged that Master took the time to choose clothing and post it to me. I can wait to wear it on the first day of my visit to Master. I was again reminded of how organised and thoughtful Master was by the fact he included a belt! I would never have thought of a belt!

Receiving this box of clothes from Master made me feel special, not just because it meant I was to wear something that Master had chosen and wanted me to wear, but also because Master had taken the time to choose this clothing for me. For a slave, a Master taking time to choose items for them and to organise material items for a slave's own use, is a great honour and privilege. A Master's time is valuable and any time he dedicates to his slave is a gift, reward and privilege to that slave.

There are many things I am looking forward to about visiting March in 10 days (not that I am counting). One of things that I am looking forward to is being able to expand any pre-conceived limits I may have. As a slave I do not believe I have any limits: the only limits I have are those set by my Master to ensure my health and safety and that no activity is illegal. A slave must have complete trust in his Master and know his Master; at the very least the slave can rest assured that the Master will do nothing to damage his slave which is his property.

I am looking forward to trying new activities and experiencing new highs in both pain and pleasure with my Master. I believe that in trying achieving new levels, pushing limits and trying new experiences the bond between Master and slave can only be enhanced. Something that I am hoping my Master will do with me is corporal punishment. I have always been fascinated by porn clips or stories where a slave or sub is spanked or punished to the point of breaking down into sobbing tears only to then be comforted by the Master. I think the idea of being "broken", reduced to one's very essence and then being comforted by your Master is a powerful image of accepting a Master's control over your life. I love the idea of being pushed to a new emotional level by Master in this way and it something I hope my Master is willing to try with me.

I think I will keep this blog rather short tonight given my previous blogs have been a bit long! Still feeling happy, still feeling comfortable and looking forward to speaking with my Master tonight.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

** 1st day chaste **

It has been a relatively quiet day so far for me, particularly when compared with the more eventful days past. Hopefully I will be able to speak to Master tonight or chat to him on MSN.

My chastity is going well and I am enjoying the feeling of being locked up. A bit similar to yesterday, I don't feel as horny at the moment as I usually do and I wonder if my body is self-adjusting to the chastity device. I think in someways knowing that I cannot cum means I intend to relax more. There is limited value in looking at porn or anything like that because I know I cannot masturbate!

In terms of daily life, I am finding that I am coping well with chastity. I still feel that the device is a bit too large, particularly the A-ring, and I think that in the future I will need to get a smaller A-ring for the device, just to make it absolutely secure. I have decided to hold off on getting this done immediately because the device is sufficiently secure at the moment, plus if I have to send the device back to Germany, I might as well have the PA attachment included in the device at the same time, and I want to see what Master's decision is on this. I have by and large stopped worrying about the device and I have now adjusted my daily life to comfortably wearing the device. Perhaps not unsurprisingly the most difficult thing to do in chastity is rowing: because of the way I am sitting in the boat, and the way the device naturally falls, it's hard to avoid hitting the device when I "tap down" on the stroke, so it is uncomfortable, but given I do not mind CBT it is not totally uncomfortable!

I spend a fair bit of time thinking about what the first meeting with Master will be like and also what Master will be like in person. I am fortunate that I have had the opportunity now to speak to Master on the phone and I do enjoy speaking with Master because I feel we are able to cover a lot more ground than we can on MSN. I also feel that it is (perhaps obviously) more conversational to speak with Master and more of a natural dialogue.

One of the hard things at the moment is that our first meeting is still approximately 11 days away and I am finding the suspense rather frustrating! I am obviously keen to meet Master because I am realistic enough to know that a great deal depends on the first meet and I desperately want it to be successful. I have never felt this excited and this committed to a meet before. I worry that I am investing too much into it and, to be honest, this makes me nervous because I worry that I will be devastated if it doesn't work out. I think by nature I am a rather emotional person. This does not mean that I'm always in tears or that I frequently lose my composure, but rather that I do not hide my emotions, particularly from my close friends or family. If I am happy, I will laugh and be happy; if I'm sad or depressed I'll weep, if I'm angry I'll show it and if I'm excited my enthusiasm tends to shine through!

At this very moment, I am very happy and very comfortable with Master and how things are going. I feel that things have never gone this well before and I feel that Master and I are on the same page on so many things. The only downside to this is my worry at how things will go and how I will feel if Master does not like me or decides not to keep me. I know it sounds negative, but this is my primary fear at the moment. I am of course remaining optimistic and hopeful that all will go well. I think in some ways though, for a slave, the fear of rejection is perhaps the greatest fear of all, because if the slave is rejected and has no Master to serve, he is of limited value; and the reality of that is that it does strike at the very heart of one's self worth.

On a much brighter note, Master has given me excellent cause for my optimism. No Master before has been this dedicated and this available prior to a meet. I also have Master's word that he is keen to own me and this carries enormous weight for me . The fact that Master has been willing to post clothing and uniforms to me encourages my optimism, not to mention the fact that Master has invested in a collar for me to wear in the vanilla world.

On reflection, I have decided that while I must be reasonable, to ignore any negative doubts and to embrace the situation fully and with confidence. I have always been an optimistic person and I will face this new situation with optimism. I believe Master knows how much I am committed to him and I believe he is committed to me, so with that in mind, I am throwing my (hopefully irrational) worries to one side, confident in my optimism that Master will both like me and be keen for me to serve in the future.

In feeling confident and comfortable with this situation, I have one particular tool that unfortunately Master does not have: Master's own blog. I have invested some time in reading Master's blog and have been attempting to read through all the entries back to the start. Reading the blog is informative and tells me a lot about Master and the experiences that Master has had in looking for a slave. If anything, reading Master's blog only increases my desire and determination to be a worthy slave that Master will want to own.

I have enjoyed reading about how Master has responded to different slaves and I think this demonstrates how perceptive and aware Master is. Master understand the different needs and insecurities that different slaves and subs may have.

For me, a good example of this is how Master has handled his initial meetings with some of the slaves and subs he has met. I see that for same of his (perhaps younger?) subs or slaves Master has usually began with coffee or a drink and more casual conversation which ultimately leads to submission if the sub or slave wants it. I believe the initial meeting between Master and slave is incredibly important, and one of the reasons why I am keen to discuss it so often with Master in our chats and conversations. For me, the initial meeting with a Master can destroy the dynamic immediately and one of the things I particularly like about Master is that he understands this.

As I understand it, my initial meeting with Master will be on the train station platform or train station and that at that initial meeting Master will put on my collar which I am to wear when I am with him. For me, this will be important and significant in demonstrating my changed status from being in a situation where I have to be mindful of myself to some degree to being in a situation where I have now surrendered total control.

In my view, and thinking about my own personal circumstances, there is nothing worse than meeting a Master and the Master wanting the initial meet to be a coffee and chat and then something may happen afterwards because I feel this is totally contradictory to the Master-slave relationship. Master and I cannot and will not ever be able to meet on "equal" terms because I am not equal to Master (and for that matter, Master's friends and acquittances). I have no doubt - and in fact I seriously hope - that over time Master may come to know me very well, Master may become fond of me and perhaps even love me; but Master will do so as a Master. And I will come to know, serve and worship Master, but I will do so as a slave.

This is why, for me, the initial meeting is all so important. It establishes the dynamic and the relationship from the outset. By collaring me and placing me in immediate control, I know that Master acknowledges and even respects me as a slave. Likewise by accepting Master's collar and control, Master knows immediately that I am a slave. Immediately from that point on I am accepting Master's control and following Master's commands.

I know that to an outside reader, the view that I have put forward above my seem rather narrow and intense. My reply to this would probably be that I have this view because of age and experience. I am not an 18 or 19 year-old making their first tentative steps into the BDSM world; nor am I nervous about BDSM generally (in contrast I am extremely excited about it!). Rather, I know that I am slave and I know this is what I want. I do not need to fumble around with a "getting to know you coffee" because I already know the sort of Man Master is. And I believe Master knows the sort of boy and slave I am.

If I have to break down into specifics what I am looking forward to most about my first meeting with Master; it is two things. Firstly, I am looking forward to being in Master's physical presence; and secondly, I am looking forward to being able to simply sink to my knees (or whatever position Master orders) and to take his collar and to know I have surrendered all control. That for the next four days my world and my universe is focused only on Master; on serving Master and being there for Master's pleasure and convenience. That is what I am looking forward to on the first meeting.

In addition to serving Master, the other thing I am looking forward to in something that Master and I have not spoken so much about that, and that is the actual bondage and general BDSM activities I will be able to do with Master. One of the things that I am particularly excited about, is the opportunity to do BDSM on a more regular basis and more intensely. Because I trust Master, I am looking forward to being able to simply relax as Master pushes my limits and gives me new experiences. Given I will be serving Master for days at a time, rather than in a session of a matter of hours, it becomes feasible to be able to do long-term restraint and bondage and I am looking forward to this!

To sum up this post: I am and continue to be so happy. Already I feel that Master has become such an important aspect of my life. Yes, I have doubts and worries that Master may reject me; but I have these worries because Master has already come to mean something to me and I do not want to lose that. But I feel justified in pushing these doubts aside as Master has shown nothing but commitment to me and I am so thrilled with this. On so many things - both major and minor - Master and I have a similar viewpoint and I know that I will relish his strict control.

Right now, I feel like I am such a lucky, lucky slave that Master is giving me this opportunity.

Second Post

I have just spent the last three hours or so comprehensively reading Master's blog from the initial posts in "Random Thoughts" chronologically through to the very last post on 12 March 2011 and it was fascinating reading.

I feel like I have a much better understanding of Master and the search he has been undertaking. I particularly the extract below:

One of the difficulties of arranging and keeping current this sort of relationship is the management of the initial encounter, coming as it does after a virtual reality into the real reality. Most bois fail at this stage. Make no mistake: it is not an easy thing to do, to place your trust in someone you have only heard or seen through a technological veil, insulating you from the demands of a real live Master, someone who wants to control you to please Him. Yet, that is why you made contact in the first place. So, it revolves around trust. Trust that you won't be hurt or scarred, trust that you will be treated well and sensibly. And that's what it's all about: placing your trust in your Master.

I think this quote summarises exactly one of the principal difficulties of BDSM relationships, although I would add, with the greatest possible respect, that sometimes the Master does not like the reality of actually exercising day-to-day control as well.

Knowing Master has expressed his thoughts above, I am even more optimistic that my search and Master's search may have joint, mutually satisfactory outcomes.

Finally, I had not really considered so much Master's commitment to sailing, but I see that sailing and the sea is a big part of Master's life. It will be enjoyable to work with Master on his boats (if he wants me to of course) and I have never been sailing though I would love to try it. I have a rather nice image of myself in chastity with only denim bid overalls - barefoot - helping with manual labour. For me, a world away from my vanilla life and experiences.