Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Je passé mon examen Francais! Cette semaine, mon blog a sa première lecteurs français. Bienvenue :-)

Apart from the exciting news above, no real news today:  Master is still in Spain and i am still powering away on my research.

Here are some pictures to celebrate my French exam results ... although I am not sure how the military theme relates though!  Again, these are pictures of me ...

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

It has been a couple of days since i have posted on this blog as my best friend has been visiting from Australia over Easter and the last couple of days.  It has been really wonderful spending time with my friend and being able to catch up on everything that has happened.

My friend has now left to do some travelling in Europe and i will see him again before he goes back home. i am now feeling a little bit homesick and it's probably not helped by the fact that i have spent the best part of tonight reading Australian newspapers and catching up on news from back home.

Master is still on His holidays in Spain at the moment, so things have been a little bit quiet on the communication front of late.  On top of this, i am in quite a busy period in my studies which means i really need to focus and work hard on my dissertation and get it finished, which makes it harder to find the time to visit Master.

i thought i would "ease" back into more regular posting by blogging about some of the BDSM fantasies and scenes i am finding particularly hot at the moment:

- Public BDSM.  After Master and i visited the fetish/kink event in His town i have been fantasising more and more about being dominated by Master in public and having Master restrain, gag and generally  do bondage with me in front of an audience.  Master is quite skilled in ropes and knots etc so i think this a possibility.

- Mummification combined with edging and milking.  Simply said, i find this totally hot.

- Long term restraint.  Leading on from mummification, i am really turned on at the moment by the idea of long-term restraint and bondage.  i would particularly love to combine it with sensory deprivation.

Just a few ideas to get the week started!

Thursday, 21 April 2011

** 10th day chaste **

i am feeling quite exhausted as i write this post.  The last couple of days i have been flat out with my research for my degree and so i am feeling a little bit brain-dead.  In such situations it's rather difficult to write a coherent and readable blog, so i am going to take the rather easy way out and post another series of photos of me.

These photos all relate to a bondage-boxing theme which was quite fun.  Unfortunately this scene was not with Master, but with the excellent top i mentioned in yesterday's post with whom i had the honour and privilege of playing with in late 2010 before i met Master.

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

** 9th day chaste **

After a few technical issues with this blog, i have only recently been able to see how many people have looked at this blog and that viewers are from a number of different countries.  i hope that those who read this blog find it of interest and enjoyable.

i thought i would make an open request to readers to email me questions or to post questions in the comments if you would like to me talk about any particular topics or know something about my relationship with Master.  Thinking of new topics each day does take some work after a while and i would hate to be repetitive.

Another thing i was wondering is whether readers would find it more helpful if i moved away from the "date" as a heading and instead started use topic headings?

Because i do not really have too much to say i will conclude today's post with two pictures taken by another wonderful man i have had the privilege of meeting and playing with: Squaddie 5852995.  Both pictures are of me in late 2010:

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

** 8th day chaste **

When checking emails and Recon last night after getting back from Spain, i was delighted to see a message from a boy in Australia i had a played with before i left.  This boy is a switch and achieved the perfect trifecta of being very hot, very kinky and also a gentleman and an intellectual and i was rather sad i did not have the opportunity to get to know him further.  We lived in different cities and given i was moving to the UK, there were no real opportunities and so i am very happy to hear from him again.

One of the things he asked me about was my relationship with Master and effectively whether we were a "couple" in the conventional sense.  After i sent him a couple of messages explaining things he suggested i should post about it in this blog and i thought that was a brilliant suggestion.

Master-slave relationships, like any human relationships, can take a number of different forms.  Some Master-slave relationships exist within the framework of a conventional vanilla-style relationship such as a marriage or civil union.  The very popular bloggers in A Master and His slave are an example of this relationship.

The relationship between Master and i is somewhat different to this.  Master has made it very clear that we are not in a "romantic" relationship as such:  we are not boyfriends or partners; rather our relationship is, quite simply (although it offers no explanation) a relationship of a Master and a slave.  i find it hard to explain to others, even within the BDSM community, how the relationship works.  It is relationship that is far stronger and far deeper than "friends with benefits" or "fuck buddies".  In this sense it is more analogous to a "boyfriends" relationship or perhaps even a "Daddy-son" relationship.

The fact that we are not boyfriends is very clear to us.  Although we may do many of the things a traditional couple might do, we also do not do many things that a couple may do and Master has explicitly made clear His right to embark upon a more vanilla-style relationship if He choses and this may well operate parallel to our relationship.  i of course do not have a boyfriend or any similar type relationships at this stage.

In my opinion this does not devalue my relationship with Master at all.  It is simply put, a different type of relationship and within our relationship we exhibit towards each other the feelings of warmth, kindness, tenderness and affection that you find in any relationship.  The only difference is, we do it very much in a BDSM context.

The other interesting aspect of our relationship is that it is very much an open-relationship.  Master is free to embark upon any other sexual experiences He wishes and may have which ever sexual experiences He wishes.  i cannot and my chastity is the guardian of this.  Of course that does not mean i cannot have sex with people other than Master, it means that i need either Master's permission to do so, or Master's order to do so.

Hopefully this provides some context to the relationship Master and i share.

Monday, 18 April 2011

** 7th day chaste **

This is a very quick post to say i am back in England having had an amazing weekend in Madrid, Spain with a very good friend of mine.  Madrid is such a beautiful city and it was great to be able to relax in the Spanish warmth and enjoy Spanish food, wine and hospitality.

i aim to post a more regular BDSM post tomorrow!

Friday, 15 April 2011

** 4th day chaste **

A very, very short blog post today as i am off to Spain for the weekend - am very excited!!!! It should be a fantastic weekend.  i will be visiting Spain with a close friend of mine to celebrate his birthday.

Unfortunately this weekend will also be the first time i have not blogged daily since i started this blog, but i have already secured Master's permission not to blog given the impracticalities of blogging without a computer abroad.

Back on Monday :-)

Wednesday, 14 April 2011

** 3rd day chaste **

Today's daily blog is going to be a picture post as i am - rather unusually - without a topic to really blog or post about today.

Before i provide the pics, i thought i would at least talk about one interaction i had with Master today.  Today i am feeling quite horny and my horniness has been increasing all afternoon and reached "fever pitch" when - without realising (or maybe He did) - Master called me.  After the phone call i sent Master a txt asking whether there was anyway i might be able to cum today.  Master refused permission and ordered me to have a cold shower instead!  So that is what i went and did; after all, it is not for me to question Master's orders.

These pictures are all pics of me with a few pics of me and 153 from our joint session with Master:

(153 is wearing the full hood)

(me wanking 153)

(153 wanking me)

Good memories with Master :-)

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

** 2nd day chaste **

Currently i am now back in College and away from Master.  It is always hard to "come back to reality" after spending time with Master and i usually find the first day back in College that i am reconnecting friends, catching up on emails, doing the washing etc.  All very mundane things, tinged with the sadness of being apart from Master.

This time i came back from Master's house without being in chastity which feels a little bit strange.  Having been in a chastity device for some time, it feels rather weird to be "free" and not locked up.  Originally i was not going to be in chastity because the PA would be healing, but that is not the case.  Notwithstanding this, i am travelling to Spain for the weekend, so i needed to be out of the chastity device for airport security as well.

Since i have been in chastity for almost two months now, i feel quite adjusted to not cumming on a regular basis.  On top of this, i am very much adjusted mentally to obeying Master's orders and commands and therefore i simply cannot imagine cumming without his permission.  It feels like although i am not actually wearing the device, mentally i still am wearing the device.  Regardless of this however, i am looking forward to relocking up the device when Master orders me to!

As i have chastity on the brain, i thought i would use this post to discuss the two chastity devices i have had experience with: the Steelworxx Steelheart device and the Birdlock.

Firstly, the Steelworxx device:

The Steelworxx device is made of stainless steel and the tube length and width is customised to my measurements.  The device is reasonably heavy to wear and i find that when i wear it i need to wear underwear as well to support the device.  Other than the weight issue, it is quite comfortable to wear and it can be worn for quite a long period of time without complaint.  The only real challenge is keeping the device and the penis clean, particularly as i am uncut.  The tube has a small hole for urine, so the easiest method is to clean carefully with a cotton-wool bud and to flush it out with anti-bacterial soap.  i think the longest a person could go without removing the device is about two to three weeks.  After this time i do think the device needs to be removed for proper cleaning.

The Birdlocked:

The Birdlocked is made from surgical grade silicon and, consequently, is much lighter and easier to wear.  It can be easily worn underneath clothing and because it weighs far less, than is less downward pressure on your balls, hence the support of underwear is not required.  From a cleaning perspective, the clear surface of the Birdlocked makes it easier to see how the penis going, plus there are multiple holes which are good for cleaning.  One difficult aspect of cleaning however is that whereas the stainless steel can be wiped draw, there is harder on the silicon surface.

Most of my time in chastity has been spent in the Steelworxx device as this is the device i own.  Master owns the Birdlocked and i am mainly in that device when i am with Him.  The two devices are quite different and feel different to wear:  it is harder for me to say which one i prefer wearing, but i probably learn towards to the Steelworxx for two main reasons.  Firstly, i like the security of the Steelworxx device - it is secure and effectively impossible to remove without being unlocked.  Secondly, i find the Steelworxx easier to keep clean and hygienic.  The stainless steel is easier to clean and to keep dry, whereas sometimes i find the Birdlocked has a build up of urine and pre-cum inside it which i cannot remove.

The major advantage of the Birdlocked is its light weight and it's ease of being worn underneath clothing.  Because it does not require support, the Birdlocked is particularly ideal for wearing when i am with Master because i am nearly always naked in His presence unless we are in public.  Plus, when i am with Master i am removing the device more often, so therefore the cleanliness issue is removed.

From a slave perspective, the security and the weight of the Steelworxx device is quite attractive.  It can always be felt on your cock and body, and for me, it is nice feeling to know that my cock is constantly under Master's lock and control.

Tuesday, 13 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 1st day chaste **

Today was the last day of my visit to Master and it was time for me to return to college.  It was rather hard to leave Master early this afternoon for two reasons:  firstly, because - quite simply - i hate leaving Master; and two, because leaving Master met returning to my dissertation and the hard working reality of research!

i had a fantastic time with Master over the last six days and it was wonderful to be able to share such quality time with Master.  We managed to achieve quite a lot over the last six days:  attending an event, playing with another sub, various bondage sessions, eating out and shared experiences.  It was a really fantastic time.  i was even able to share in Master's enjoyment and happiness at having contact with someone from His past and it was lovely to see how much this communication meant to Master.

One of the things that i sometimes think that people underestimate or do not fully understand about Master-slave relationships is that although the relationships are very different and very unconventional when compared with other vanilla relationships, they are still very meaningful and very deep relationships.  Master and i share a bond in our relationship that matters a great deal to both of us.  We both enjoy the time and opportunities we share together and we both derive a great deal of comfort and pleasure from each other's company.

Although i have only seen Master for two visits now, i have spent more than 10 days in total with Master - rather intensively at that - and communicated with Master multiple times day a for almost two months now.  From the nature of our Master-slave relationships Master knows a great deal about me and i know a great deal about Him.  The strength of our relationship is that we have no need for secrets or double meanings and that is both refreshing and honest.

This is quite a simple blog post tonight.  i am back home now and am sad to be away from Master.  It is always hard when a visit comes to an end and it is also harder this time knowing that it will be some time until i see Master again.  But in adversity comes strength, and i know the separation is a powerful opportunity to strengthen the bond between us.

So this post does not finish on a "down note", here is a rather hot pic:

Monday, 11 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 5th, 6th and 7th cum for Master **

Today was meant to be piercing day, but unfortunately things did not go quite according to plan.

Master had already decided that i would have a PA piercing to indicate both His ownership of me and the start of my contract with Master.  Master, being the kind and considerate Master that He is, decided that the piercing would be done at a piercing place in a nearby city to where Master lives.  Master choose the piercing place based on both local recommendations and was keen to ensure that the best possible piercer was chosen so there would be minimal complications.

i have had two piercings in the past - my left nipple and a frennum piercing.  Unfortunately the frennum piercing migrated and i currently only have the left nipple piercing.  i had previously considered getting a PA piercing on a number of occasions but had always baulked at the last minute, so i was quite keen and willing (albeit nervous) to get the PA piercing done.

Despite both phoning and emailing the piercing place to confirm, after we arrived at the piercing place (which was more than an hour from where Master lives) we were told that the piercer was away due to a family emergency.  It was quite a blow and i felt very frustrated and i could tell Master was more than a little annoyed.  It was a massive inconvenience for Master and a complete waste of His time.  For me, it was the frustration of mentally preparing for something and then not being able to go ahead with it.  All in all, quite a frustrating blow :-(

My disappointment also stems from the fact that my time with Master is always limited and it may be a little while now before Master and i have another opportunity to get the piercing done.  Part of our goal in getting the piercing done today was so that it would have time to heal while Master and i both travel (separately) abroad and attend to a few other up and coming commitments.

The other "annoying" thing (although it was also extremely good) was that Master and i had done a reasonable amount of play last night and this morning (with multiple cums) as a sort of "milking" because i was going to be out of action for a while as the piercing healed.  This morning Master basically tied me up to the bondage horse (think of a gymnastics vault but smaller) and edged me and milked me by both hand and with a prostate massager; as well as allowing me to wank myself for a third time.  It was a fantastic experience but having not cum very much for a while now i feel quite tired this evening after cumming three times in one day, combined with the piercing disappointment.

This is a rather short post for today.  It has been a good day spent with Master; a fabulous day for being able to cum multiple times, but a rather disappointing day for not being able to get the piercing done.

Sunday, 10 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 2nd day chaste **

i thought i would start off today's post with a picture.  In an effort to provide a little more imagery for this blog i'm attempting to include, every so often, some images of things i like or find rather hot.  So today's offering:

Motivation:  although it is not overly clear, the boy in this picture has a PA which i will be getting tomorrow.  No guesses for predicting what tomorrow's blog post will be about :-)

i am still at Master's at the moment and still loving my time with Master. The best thing about having these longer visits with Master is that there is sufficient time for Master and i to settle into a sense of peaceful domestic tranquility and to be able to enjoy each other's company.

If i hark briefly back to yesterday's post regarding slaves and subs, this domestic tranquility is something that is much more difficult for a sub to experience.  The most special and rewarding moments in the Master-slave relationship are not necessarily those moments filled with kinky sex, but rather the moments of being together with Master in everyday life.  It is simply "spending time" with Master that i enjoy very, very much.  Kinky sex (or play) - as simply fantastic as it is - is not possible every moment of every day, no matter how hardcore the Master-slave relationship is.  After all, such a relationship would be only based on one thing, and the true essence of the Master-slave relationship, in my opinion, stems from being able to support, encourage, and assist one's Master in every facet of their life.

One interesting thing that did happen today was my first real "discipline" session from Master.  Basically i was out of my chastity device because it was rather painful and irritating this morning and so Master kindly allowed my cock some time out of the device to sooth the irritation.  Naturally i'm quite horny anytime i'm around Master and a combination of the itchiness from the pre-cum and my general horniness as well my new-found freedom in that department made it hard for me to stop touching myself.  This lead to Master having me over His knee for an impromptu spanking session (which only made me more horny) before locking me into a different chastity device.  Although Master spanking made me hornier i did learn the lesson and have not touched myself since (apart from when going to the toilet) and i also know that if i am itchy in the future, i need to let Master know.

Last night Master and i went to a local fetish event in Master's hometown.  Although there was not a large number of people at the event, it was quite an interesting night.  By nature i am a bit of gossip and a busybody and i enjoyed witnessing and discussing with Master the politics of the gay fetish community in the local community.  It was also nice to be publicly on display in that situation as Master's slave and i think it is an environment in which Master and i can explore further and do more public forms of Master-slave "kinky control" in the future.

The best thing about the event for me was that Master felt comfortable enough with me to show me off in public in such a situation, and for me to witness the general respect and recognition which Master has in this local community.

i am very, very proud of my Master and i think enormously highly of Him.  Everything i have seen of Master throughout the time i have spent with Him has shown me that Master is a gentleman and a man of the utmost generosity, kindness, compassion and sensitivity.  A wonderful combination in both a Master and (more importantly) a person.

Saturday, 9 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 1st day chaste **

Today is day three of my visit with Master and it has been a wonderful time.  i think for any slave, the most memorable and most valuable times are times just "spent" with their Master:  sitting at their Master's feet or being with their Master and enjoying their Master's conversation and time.  For a slave their Master is the centre of their universe, so time with Master is the best reward a slave can receive.

Last night one of Master's subs - 153 - visited and it was a fantastic evening and Master allowed me to cum.  It was a fantastic experience seeing Master with another sub and the way Master cared for and monitored 153 and kept a clear and ongoing line of communication open with him.  153 is not as experienced as me and i thought it was simply fantastic the way Master carefully pushed the boundaries and experiences of a more novice sub.

During the session Master tried some things with me to push my pain limits, particularly using a tens machine.  During the session i felt like i had a bit of pain epiphany and i was very comforted by the fact that i knew that Master would not give me anything that was too much or that i could not handle.  Because i felt so comfortable in Master's control i felt myself surrendering and relaxing more and more with the pain being inflicted at various times.

Something that is hard to fully express in writing is the depth of the bond i feel i have with Master and the trust that this bond creates.  It's a trust that allows me to relax and go with whatever sensation Master is giving me.  Leading on from that, the pleasure i derive from making Master pleased with accepting whatever He decides to give me is immense.

i think 153 enjoyed the evening as well and it was fantastic to be able to meet him and i hope i will have the pleasure of playing with him again if Master wishes.  For most of the evening we were suspended in a standing spreadeagled position, but at the end of the evening Master allowed 153 and i to kiss and cuddle in front of the fire and that was really lovely and cosy.

The second thing i wanted to address in this blog was the topic of "opinion" and how one communicates such opinions in a Master-slave context.  This was also discussed in one of the main blogs i follow (and love to read) - "A Master and His slave".

The fact that Master and i have a difference of opinion on something became evident today in conversation about politics and the upcoming referendum in the UK on changing the voting system.  Master and i both have loyalties to different political parties and we will both be voting different ways in the referendum and the local elections.

A conventional viewpoint might be that a slave should always agree with his Master's views on everything.  However, i do not think this is the case.  Although i do not know for sure, i believe that one of the things Master perhaps likes about me as a slave, is that i do have opinions and am able to discuss them with Master.  After all, it does make for more interesting conversation if i can have an opinion on a particular topic and am in a position to discuss it with Master.

What is important however, is that these opinions are always conveyed in a respectful and appropriate format.  If Master wanted me to change my opinion on something, to be honest i probably would.  But i say that because i know on the most fundamental of things Master and i share the same views, and if there were differences, Master respects my ability to make up my own mind on things.  If the topic were a more general one of course, i would change my opinion to concur with Master's opinion if He felt that was correct.

The other key thing is that i would never ever disagree with Master in front of another person (or people), even if expressing a personal opinion, unless Master made it completely apparent that it was appropriate to do so.  i believe very fundamentally that in public and to the outside world there should be "no shade of daylight" between a Master and his slave.  In a public situation, i would simply say nothing or if the situation required, make a rather bland statement.  If i had a difference of opinion, i would raise that with Master in private.

This is important because to the outside world i am Master's slave and Master's property, therefore it would be strange and perhaps incongruous to the Master-slave relationship for others to see me publicly disagreeing with Master.  If i am honoured to be in public with Master, i want others to see me as Master's loyal and devoted slave (or in a very vanilla context, loyal and devoted companion) which i always aim to be.

Friday, 8 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE

** 1st day chaste **
** 4th cum for Master **

i am in a wonderful mood today.  Currently i'm at Master's house and it is fantastic to be back here after a rather short break away.  It is good to be with Master again and i feel like we have easily settled back into eachother's company.  i feel very relaxed around Master and quite at home and quite comfortable in Master's house.

The other great thing was that Master has let me cum, which was a fantastic feeling, particularly after 11 days in chastity.  This morning i was back into my chastity device and it was the first time that i actually did not feel overly excited about going back into chastity.  It made me realise that i now accept chastity as part of my daily life, meaning that some of the excitement about it has started to go.  Going back into chastity, while obviously accepted and expected, now makes chastity seem more routine.  i take it as evidence of my ever increasing slide into slavery.

Master has asked me to blog about the difference between slavery and being a submissive.  In some ways this is a rather simple topic to blog about, but in other ways it is more complex.  Before i delve into my thoughts, i thought i would start with a rather hot picture to provide some more images for this blog:

So the relevance of this picture to a discussion of slavery versus subs?  Quite simply, there are two boys and only one cock:  perhaps it is a Master with a sub and a slave? :-)

For me, the essential difference between a slave and a sub is a lifestyle difference.  Most subs are only "subs" for the duration of the scene or scheduled play time.  Once playtime is over, they revert to their normal selves and may even socialise with their Masters as equals outside of the scene.  Ofter subs will have limits and may engage in more detailed discussions with a particular Master about the type of scene they want to be part of.  Usually the scene or session will have a designated finishing time.

For slaves, their is no "session" as the Master-slave relationship is a lifestyle that is lived on a day-to-day basis.  As a consequences, a slave is always a slave in his Master's presence and nearly always a slave apart from his Master.  A slave usually does not have any limits aside from a few safety precautions and his service to his Master will transcend a particular scene and stretch into the realm of normal everyday life.  A slave surrenders total control to his Master and that control is surrendered indefinitely (although effectively for the duration of a contract) whereas a sub will surrender control (and even then how much control may be defined) for a particular set scene or time period.

Slaves can either be full-time and actually live with their Master or part-time and live away from their Master.  i am a part-time slave because i live away from Master, but even then, part-time slaves are much distinguishes from subs.  Although both may only see their Master occasionally, the day-to-day differences are enormous.

For example, although i am part-time slave, i am a slave because i have surrendered total control to Master.  When i am in the vanilla world away from Master, i am still in chastity, still wear a collar and still live my life in accordance with a set of rules Master has issued.  My daily life is very much structured around my slavery, even when Master is not present.  When away from Master i have daily contact with Master - usually at minimum twice a day, but often much more - and Master controls decisions i might make in the vanilla world.  This would not happen with an ordinary sub.  Whereas a sub might control over his own sex life, i have no such control.  The only sexual activity i have is with Master or as directed by Master.

One of the key areas where i am different from a sub with my Master, is that my visits to Master are also a lot longer than the usual sub visits.  Whereas a sub might visit for a couple of hours or overnight; my visits to Master are usually five or six days in length and involve a substantial amount of time spent with Master, always in the Master-slave context, but necessarily doing "pure" bondage activities.

Another way of examining the difference between submissives and slaves is to consider the issues of volunteerism and trust.  Both subs and slaves obviously serve their Masters voluntarily (to do otherwise would be illegal after all), but slaves can and will do things they do not like, simply to please their Master.  This is a concept that is difficult to explain in writing, but it is best described as a certain way of "being":  the Master-slave relationship is quite a deep relationship and exists at a level beyond safe words and limits.  The Master and their slave are able to have this because their relationship is built very heavily on trust and trust that has been built and solidified over a long period of time.  Unless a sub places with a Master very regularly, it is unlikely that a sub will achieve the same level of trust with his Master.  At the end of the day, the Master and slave spend a great deal of time with each other which serves to engender the feeling of trust and strengthens the bond between them.

i hope this explanation of my understanding of the differences between slaves and subs is of value.  It is an interesting topic and i will post further on it as my thoughts on it develop.  The challenge is while i understand what makes me a slave (namely, the things i have outlined above), it is more difficult to put it into a more discrete and explicable framework.

Thursday, 7 April 2011 - MASTER'S HOUSE

** 11th day chaste **
** 3rd cum for Master **

Today is going to be a great day - i'm heading off shortly to the train station for my second meet with Master and i'm really, really looking forward to it.  This time i will be with Master for six days, so it will be enough time to spend some really quality time with Master.

Master has indicated that He will probably have another sub over to join us on Friday night and i am looking forward to this as well.  While i have done sessions with another sub before, they have been more like 3-way sex than BDSM sessions, so i am excited to see what it will be like with Master.  Master and i have quite a clear structure to our relationship and adhere to our Master-slave protocol at all times, so i think have a session with another sub will be very interesting.  i am also looking forward to having another sub around (even if only for a matter of hours) who appreciates and values Master as much as i do.

This second visit feels quite different to the first visit.  In some ways the second visit feels more exciting because i have a much better idea of what life over the next six days will be like:  i am more familiar with Master's lifestyle and routine.  Furthermore, for the second visit, i have do not really have any expectations.  i do not believe a slave should have expectations from a time with his Master; rather a slave should be grateful for the opportunity to visit his Master and spend time with Him.  Therefore, for me, the only expectation i guess i have is to see Master and to enjoy Master's company and to enjoy being able to serve Master.

From Master's perspective, the second visit is probably a bit different.  Whereas i have now relaxed totally into Master's control and have accepted Master's control and direction in my life; for Master the second visit provides new opportunities because He knows me and who i am.  For Master the second visit provides the ideal time for Him to reinforce his expectations about what He wants from me and to further extend His control over me.

i have signed my contract with Master now and for the next three months i am His to do with as He pleases.  i have every intention of honouring my contract - that's the sort of slave i am - and therefore Master effectively has carte blanche to do as He pleases (working within certain prescribed Rules we have negotiated).  For me, i simply feel grateful that Master is willing to spend so much time and effort on me.

Although i have no expectations from this visit, i do hope that Master might be able to take some photos of me which i can then post to this blog.  Given Master has decided to make this blog public, i feel i should probably add a few more photos every so often to break up the text so any dear readers do not find themselves too overwhelmed by my verbosity!

All in all, just a short post today; but so excited to be seeing Master!

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

** 10th day chaste **

i am in a very good mood as i type this post, because tomorrow i am off to stay with Master and i will be with Master for six days - i am very excited and very much looking forward to spending time with Master!

Today was mainly spent in London having lunch with a friend, seeing a film at the BFI and doing some special shopping for Master and that is what this post is mainly going to focus on.  Today was the final day of the LGBT Film Festival at the BFI and today's film was probably the film i enjoyed the least; nonetheless i enjoyed the opportunity to see it.  i'm a passionate supporter of queer film and i believe it's vital the queer community continues to support and encourage the arts within our community.  Film in particular is an integral part in promoting greater understanding of queer issues and of recording and documenting our history and ongoing struggles.

My political rant stated, my special shopping for Master is probably of more interest.  Master had stated that He wanted me to get a leather jockstrap and, admittedly at my suggestion, leather boots.  Given i was planning to come down to London for the film festival, Master was amenable to my purchasing these items today.  i was quite excited to be purchasing "kink" items at Master's requests.  My collection of gear is surprisingly small and what little i do have is mostly in Australia:  all i have in the UK is a vibrating butt plug, bicep leather strap, some cock rings, a butt plug, white jockstraps and a chastity device.  A rather small collection for a slave!  Knowing that i was purchasing items that Master wanted me to purchase made everything feel so much more exciting and i was keen to purchase the items:  after all, i want Master to be pleased when He looks at me!

There are two main fetish shops in London which i think are ideal for the type of clothing i was looking for.  The leather jockstrap i bought from RoB and although more expensive than the one in Expectations,  i think the RoB jockstrap looks quite hot, plus i liked the idea of the zip down the front.  RoB is quite an established leather and kink brand and i have previously shopped in both their Amsterdam and Berlin stores.  A picture of the jockstrap i bought:

This jockstrap is actually the first bit of leather fetish clothing per se i have actually owned so i am quite excited about.

The more interesting stuff happened in Expectations where i went to buy boots.  Leather boots can be quite expensive, particularly for new boots, so one of the reasons why i went to Expectations was because they sell used ex-military boots.  Of course, wearing used ex-military boots is quite hot as well!  There was really only one style of boot available, so thankfully Master was okay with them.  i had sent photos of jockstrap and boots to Master before making my purchases.  The boots i bought:

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

** 9th day chaste **

Welcome to the first post of the new and updated blog.  Master has allowed me to make some changes to this blog which hopefully will make the blog a little bit "nicer" to read as well as incorporating some formatting changes.

i have previously commented on how much i enjoy writing this blog and how much i get out of it.  i am grateful to Master for recognising how much this blog has come to mean for me and for allowing me to make the changes i was keen to make.  Master has even suggested in His own blog that He might consider making this blog public and for me that is a great honour.

For a slave, one of the greatest honours a Master can bestow is public recognition of their approval of their slave.  For me, Master allowing others to read the blog makes me feel humbled and proud.  It demonstrates to me that Master is satisfied with my work and that Master is willing to allow me - a representation of Him - into the public domain.  For my part, i am extremely proud of my ownership by Master and i am proud to be able to share that publicly.

In today's post i want to discuss a rather emotional and sensitive issue for me, and that was an email received from another Master with whom i had met once and then had a long period of correspondence with.  When i accepted Master's contract i wrote to this other Master and explained what i was doing and i have only recently heard back from him.  Needless to say, he was not happy with my decision to serve Master and his email in response was rather upsetting.  Master-slave relationships are human relationships and managing them is no different from human relationships.  This other Master felt that i owed him something more than what i had and that i was committed to him in a way i was not.  When my email purported to make that clear he was not happy.  This master seeks an outcome i can not give him and an outcome that - truth be told - would not make me very happy or fulfilled.  There were many reasons why a relationship with this master did not and could not work and i have already had the opportunity to canvass them with Master.

Thankfully i was able to turn to my Master for comfort and support.  One of the things that i value so much about my Master is that He is there for me:  to comfort, to support, to guide, to advice and to listen when i need it.  Knowing that i had His support and understanding mattered so much to me.  This other "relationship" was part of my BDSM experience, but my focus now is on my relationship with Master.  This is a relationship that i truly believe in and a relationship that i truly believe will work.

The other valuable thing about tonight's events is the opportunity it provided for self-realisation.  It remind me of the sacrifices and things i am giving up for my Master.  Sometimes i think maybe i gloss over the sacrifices, but they are real and tangible.  Physically, my chastity denies me control not only over my own pleasure but ensures i cannot have intimacy with anyone other than Master (not that i want too of course) or people of Master's choosing.  i wear Master's collar.  i surrender significant proportions of my time each day to complying with Master's orders and requests.  My slavery is very real - the control i have surrendered is very real and there are things i physically cannot do, even if i badly wanted to disobey Master and do them.  In the virtual world my slavery is also total:  my profiles record my ownership and direct enquiries to Master.  The Slave Register records me as owned.  In our BDSM world, our online profiles matter enormously to us:  before the entire BDSM community my ownership by Master has been declared.

But the key thing is, i love doing all of it.  i love being owed, i love Master's control and i love obeying Master's orders and commands.  i regret absolutely nothing and i would do it all again tomorrow if i have too.

Master's blog talks about the journey He has taken to find a slave; my journey has been to find a Master. That journey has long; there have been plenty of adventures and fun times along the way, but there has also been plenty of heartache, frustration and disappointed opportunities.  i started experimenting with BDSM when i was 18 and i have spent the last 10 years seeking a Master whom i could serve and a Master under whom i could grow as both a slave and a person.  Many times i felt like giving up, but i persevered and i am glad i did.

i have found in Master both the Master and the person i have been searching a very long time for.  My dedication and devotion to Him is total.  In my slavery to Him i feel an enormous and overwhelming sense of happiness and bliss.  Tonight's temporary inconvenience, although emotionally painful, is an important realisation of how much Master means to me.  Master makes me happy and content and in life that is all we can seek.

At the end of the day all that matters to me is Master's happiness and pleasure and my happiness and pleasure.  Fundamentally, although it may not seem very slave-like to admit it; for the Master-slave relationship to work, both Master and slave have to be happy; for if the slave makes the Master unhappy, there is no point to the slave remaining.  i believe Master is happy and i know that i am happy.  Serving Master gives me a great sense of fulfilment and happiness.  i long for nothing more than to be at Master's feet.

My search for a Master has been a long and challenging journey; but like all good fairy tales, it has had a happy ending.  i have found my Master - my prince charming - and there is happiness, peace and contentment in my little world.

Monday, 4 April 2010

** 8th day chaste **

Today has been a rather quiet day for me at home, i've spent most of the day catching up with family and friends back in Australia and seeing some friends from College as well as doing research on my thesis.

Last night was a rather interesting night. i was dreaming a fair bit about Master during the night and woke up at various times with a rather painful erection. One of the problems of being in chastity (as i am starting to find) is that i leak a fair amount of precum which tends to pool at the bottom of the chastity device and when i go flaccid again, it makes my cock itch like crazy. So last night and this morning my cock felt very, very itchy and probably for the first time in ages, i felt majorly horny.

In a previous blog i spoke about wanting to cum for "stress relief" or "stress management", well today's situation was a desire to cum because i felt quite sexually frustrated. Eight days of not cumming, combined with the excitement of seeing Master again this coming Thursday, combined with the comfort of being back in my own home all made me quite keen to cum! So today's lesson learnt was how to manage that feeling of sexual frustration and get rid of that excess sexual tension.

Back in Australia in a previous situation where i had been in chastity, although not wearing, i poured my excess tension and energy into working out at the gym. i used to the gym quite a lot in Australia - at least four times a week - and had a personal trainer; but since coming to England and adopting the student lifestyle my gym routine has flat-lined. i took the opportunity today to get back into a good gym routine and hit my college gym to work off the excess sexual tension and it certainly worked. i finished working out feeling a lot more relaxed and a lot less tense. Plus, working out regularly is a good thing: i want to be a fit and healthy slave for Master so i can serve Him in the way He deserves to be served.

Apart from my sexual tension, i feel like i do not have particularly much to say in this post. For me things are going extremely well and i am really, really happy. i am relishing Master's control and i feel i am growing more and more into my role as Master's slave. i find myself thinking about Master a great deal and He is never far from my thoughts. i find myself longing to be at Master's feet and i miss sucking Master's cock in the morning. i have also been thinking a lot lately about how great it will feel to have Master fuck me.

i feel so amazingly happy and content in my slavery and devotion to Master. i am looking forward to Master exercising and taking further and further control over me and i am so keen to surrender it. i trust Master so completely and i feel so happy and blissful when He does exercise His control and dominance over me. As i am so fond of saying of late, i am a very, very happy and content slave.

Sunday, 3 April 2011

** 7th day chaste **

Today has been my first full day back at home since my visit to Master and spending time in London. It felt rather strange to be sleeping in a bed for the first time in almost two weeks last night. The day was spent catching up on household chores around the home and was generally quite a relaxing day.

This morning i was able to talk to Master on the phone and that was great. i enjoy speaking with Master immensely and since leaving Master's house i have been missing His conversations.

Today i updated my blog a little bit by reviewing all the posts and creating labels for them so that Master can read my posts both chronologically and thematically if He wishes. i also added a new opening line to each post recording my chastity status. As i have comment previously on this blog, i have quite embraced the process of blogging and now that i am becoming rather "into it" i am keen to improve the format and aesthetic value of the blog to make it more easier and enjoyable for Master to read. As i do not have the ability to change any settings on this blog, i have emailed Master seeking his permission to do that.

On Friday and Saturday i saw a couple of friends at the London BFI's Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. One of my hobbies and interests is film and i love watching films, my favourite genres mainly being drama, historical, romance and comedy. i am particularly interested in art-house and foreign language films, particularly German and French film, and am passionate about queer film. Back home i have a considerable collection of queer films (approximately 80 titles) and i make a conscientious effort to follow the key works in queer cinema. Yesterday i bought a new book from the BFI listing the principal works in English-language queer cinema and am making an effort to watch all the major films listed in the book.

One of the "films" i saw in London was a collection of short films, and one in particular was about a first-time bondage scene which i thought was brilliantly acted and directed. Reflecting on my own first fews times, i thought the directed excellently captured the feeling and emotional pathos of a young submissive experiencing BDSM for the first time.

Something that struck me about the session captured in this film was that the bondage involved was mainly what we would call "puppy play". Puppy play is something that i have not done very much of but something that i am really keen to try. Master-puppy play can be, i think, a possible alternative to Master-slave relationships but i am not looking for this.

For me, what i find a fascinating (and rather hot) fantasy is the idea of being my Master's puppy for a set period of time within our established Master-slave context. One of the reasons why i think i could only do puppy play for a set period of time is because one of the key aspects of puppy play, as i understand it, is that puppies are often naughty and seek to push their Master's rules and limits. As a slave i simply could not do this: my mindset is one of obedience and acceptance of my Master's rules, not one of challenging them!

Nonetheless, i do have a fantasy of experiencing what it would be like to be a puppy. i am keen to experience what it would be like to be walked on a leash, ordered to pee against a tree in the garden, eat and drink from a bowl without hands, speak only by barking, and have my hands in mits and walk around on hands and knees. Hopefully if Master is interested it might be something i can try with him; if not it remains in the realm of my fantasies.

That in itself touches on an interesting aspect of BDSM within the Master-slave relationship. Although the Master-slave relationship is already an very intense form of BDSM, i think there is still scope within it to try new and exciting things. For me, i am quite kinky and there is pretty much no kink that i am aware of that does not interest me or turn me on at some level. i love the idea of Master suddenly announcing that from a certain point forward i will act in a particular way and then continuing to act in that way until He tells me to stop.

Master has foreshadowed that this weekend we maybe going to a BDSM event in His town. This is something that i am quite excited about. i am particularly keen to have the experience of serving Master and being identified as Master's slave in front of other Masters and slaves. i feel very, very proud of my Master's ownership of me and the opportunity to demonstrate that publicly in front of others who are part of our community appeals to me very much indeed. Like everything of course, it will depend on what Master wishes to do.

One of the things i love so much about Master's control is the freedom it gives me. i love the fact that i can look forward with excitement and optimism to visiting Master again this Thursday, secure in the knowledge that i have no control or choice over what i do. All that matters to me is that i will be with Master and that is what makes me happiest above all. The simple bliss of knowing that i will be at Master's feet.

Thankfully only 4 sleeps until i'm back where i belong with Master.

Saturday, 2 April 2011

** 6th day chaste **

i am writing this post quite late at night and i am rather tired! i have finally arrived back home and am back in my college. It feels like an eventful two weeks in both London and with Master and this my arrival back in town was rather busy: a catch-up and dinner with A, my closest friend in the UK, and then a catch-up with DL and a big discussion about life with Master and my first visit to Master and then a rather long skype conversation with my parents.

Earlier today in London i went to the Borough Markets and then to the BFI for the LGBT Film Festival with a friend, so all in all, a lovely Saturday spent with friends and talking to family. The Film Festival inspired some thoughts in me and i want to discuss and elaborate on those further on this blog, but i think i will wait until tomorrow when i am feeling fresher and more alert.

The most important thing that happened today however was that Master and i had our first "thing". i am not really sure what to call this "thing" because it was not really a disagreement or anything like that, but rather a misunderstanding that was quickly resolved.

Earlier this afternoon while on the DLR heading to the train, i checked Master's blog to see whether He had updated it. i check Master's blog quite regularly (usually at least 2 or 3 times a day) so whenever Master has an update i am normally able to read them quite soon after. When i checked Master's blog this afternoon, i saw that Master had posted quite a lovely post about His ownership of me, but Master had also included a pic of me which i felt had my face quite visible.

One of the absolute conditions of my slavery is no face pictures. This rule is something i have always maintained and although for a time i had a face picture on my recon profile, i was careful to ensure it was a non-BDSM picture. This rule is to protect both my career and professional reputation and also for those with whom i have worked in the past.

The picture Master posted of me had part of face obscured and blurred, but i felt that it was still quite recognisable as me. My initial reaction was to feel mortified, followed by anger and hurt. i was angry and hurt that an identifiable picture of me was on the internet (from which it is very difficult to ever properly remove images) and also for myself for not being clear enough about the face picture rule with Master. To be honest, i also felt rather aggrieved because i felt that i had had a specific conversation with Master about discretion given my prior work history and i felt Master had understood how significant this was for me.

Within minutes of noticing the picture i had txted Master about the issue and to His utmost credit, Master immediately removed the picture.

For me, i felt the situation was quite devastating; for my entire trip on the Underground (from one end of London to the other) and then the train trip back home i could think of little else. The whole situation played on my mind: i felt hurt and disappointed. For me, it felt that Master had not understood something that was so significant and so important to me, and that made me feel quite worried.

The rational part of my mind, however, acknowledged that it was a misunderstanding: i felt it was out of character for Master to do something like this to me; and i acknowledged that Master had attempted to blur out part of my face. It felt so out of character because Master had always acted towards me with kindness and care; as i have previously commented, Master is a true gentleman. This evening in conversation, DL suggested that perhaps Master did what he did in an effort to push or expand one of my perceived limits; but i do not think this is so. i had (and still have) the clear impression Master understand this rule is not a condition or limit on which i wish to be pushed.

When i arrived home i still felt quite agitated and i thought the best approach would be to talk to Master. Hearing Master's voice on the phone, i knew i had done exactly the right thing in calling. Just hearing Master's voice automatically felt better. Master explained that He had acted immediately - even though at work - to remove the photo and for this i am extremely grateful. Master was apologetic and extremely understanding; and my mind set at ease.

So what i have i learnt from this experience? The Master-slave relationship - like any other relationship - involves both good times and bad times. No matter how devoted the slave is; and no matter how protecting and empathetic the Master; it is impossible for two human minds to agree and understand every issue the same way. What happened was a simple misunderstanding. The way both Master and i handled it however, was a demonstration of the strength and the commitment of our Master-slave relationship.

From the slave perspective, i felt that i approached the issue sensibly and respectfully: in my txt and conversation with Master i think i certainly let Master know my emotive state and how i felt; but i also addressed Master respectfully as "Sir" and using the correct grammar. From the Master perspective, Master immediately acknowledged my concern and acted upon it. In doing what He did, Master demonstrated that the care of me - His slave - was His number one concern and that, for me, was truly moving.

DL asked me whether this affected my trust in Master. my response, was that the whole experience actually enhanced my trust and faith in Master. The crucial thing was not the misunderstanding that occurred; but two other things:

(1) The fact that Master had created a safe and secure environment such that when i had a genuine issue, i felt no hesitation in raising it with Master directly. In other words, Master had created a relationship where i felt i could be completely honest and open with Master;

(2) Having raised my issue with Master, Master immediately acted upon it and acted to reassure me and comfort me. Master demonstrated that it was His priority and was actively concerned for the interests of His slave.

i hope the most important thing that Master and i can take from this experience is that already our relationship is strong and secure. A slave must trust his Master completely and i trust my Master completely. i know now that if i ever have a fear, doubt, question etc i can raise it openly and honestly with Master.

i wear my Master's collar with pride. My Master is a "Master" in the true sense of the word: He is a Master that slave can rely on always; He is a Master that i know i can trust to act honestly and genuinely in my best interests. i have said before how lucky i am to have Master in my life and i repeat those comments again.

Trust is one of the most important elements in the Master-slave relationship and i am proud to state clearly and without reservation that i trust my Master. We survived our first test and i believe our relationship is all the stronger for it.

Friday, 1 April 2011

** 5th day chaste **

This is my first blog post for April. Starting a new month is a good opportunity for reflection on how much i feel my life has changed in just one month.

Since the start of March i recommenced communication with Master, plunged into slavery at a far deeper level than ever before, met Master, was collared and have plans for a second meeting. So much has happened and it has all run perfectly. i could not possibly be happier!

Today has been a rather quiet day, so far i have been out to the National Archives to do some research on my dissertation and then off to the BFI LGBT Film Festival this afternoon. The film i saw (by myself) was called "The House of Boys" and was quite a moving film about the early onset of AIDS in Amsterdam in the early 1980s. There had been some controversy over the film for the dramatic portrayal of the effect of AIDS in the film; but i thought it was well done. The love between the two boys was well-portrayed on screen.

Earlier in the day before leaving the Archives i had looked at some files regarding military punishment of homosexual activities amongst soldiers in World War II, so i feel like so far i have had a bit of an emotional day! Although sad and moving, it is important, in my opinion, for the queer community to embrace and remember it's history and to remember how far we come in our struggle for equality and acceptance and the struggles to come.

Political statements and oratory aside, i feel like i do not really have that much to say today about my slavery. i am starting to feel very comfortable with my position as a slave and i am noticing much more that my focus and thoughts turn to Master's pleasure and comfort rather than my own. For example, despite the constant reminder of my chastity that my device provides, i do not really think about cumming all that much; but what i do think about is sucking Master, swallowing Master's cum, and what it would be like to feel Master fuck me.

The remarkable thing about chastity, in my opinion, is how quickly the body can adjust to it - or perhaps that is a slave perception! Once accepted that i have no control over my own body and in particular no ability to masturbate, it is interesting how one no longer really thinks about it. Whereas once masturbation would have been a regular activity in my day, i find i no longer think about it or even particularly desire it. Of course there are moments of weakness, such as when watching the film this afternoon there was a masturbation scene and i thought, 'gosh it feels like ages since i wanked'; but other than this one learns not to think about it.

Since Master ordered me to start keeping this blog, i have looked at other blogs on the internet that deal with BDSM and have become quite intrigued by a number of them. Blogging is actually quite new to me and less than a month a go i was not particularly sure what blogging entailed!

Some of the blogs i have looked at are focused on chastity and i find it amusing how the writers of these blogs seem so focused on not being able to cum and write about how painful it is or how their balls feel so full, or something similar in that vein. i cannot relate to these feelings at all and when i discussed it with DL nor could he. For a true slave, once control is surrendered to a Master, the mental aspect of chastity actually seems to settle in quite quickly. At the moment i could not possibly even think about cumming without Master's permission; but more to the point, i do not feel like cumming without Master's permission.

During my visit with Master, Master kindly let me cum on the first night (the Sunday night), every day of the visit right up until Wednesday i hoped that he would let me cum again but he did not. Once i was back on the train heading to London i simply did not think about cumming, because i knew i would not be cumming until at least next Thursday when i see Master again.

Of course while i was with Master i felt like cumming all the time, and feeling was probably partially motivated by the fact that cumming was a realistic possibility because i was in Master's presence. i never asked Master of course; because that would be inappropriate. The focus of my time with Master is completely on Master's life and pleasure, not on my pleasure. If i am able to cum, it is only because it pleases Master and gives Master pleasure that i cum.

On the broader question of chastity in daily life, i find it perfectly comfortable to wear the chastity device. The only time i ever really feel like uncomfortable is the semi-regular mornings where i wake up with an attempted erection and the device is painfully twisted around my balls or something like that. During the day i have no real problem. With Master i have tried both the Steelworxx metal device which i wear when away from Master and the Birdlock device which i wear with Master; both are perfectly comfortable. My personal preference is for the Steelworxx when away from Master (because i feel the metal is more hygienic) and the Birdlock with Master (because the plastic is more comfortable to wear when i am naked and without support) but i will wear whatever Master desires.

In my life at the moment, i feel so comfortable and so content with Master making all the relevant decisions that need to be made. Obviously i still have to make some decisions for myself, particularly in the vanilla world, but even in the vanilla world i find myself happily and readily surrendering to Master's control and direction. Obeying Master and following his orders gives me a great sense of pleasure and purpose.

i also derive great pleasure from knowing that i belong to my Master and that my Master is pleased to own me. Now that my Recon profile has been amended to reflect Master's ownership, i like it that i can politely refer all other Masters to my Master for answers to their requests. And i am also comfortable with doing whatever Master orders in this regard, because i trust that Master will not order me to do something that i am not capable of.

One Master on Recon asked me recently whether i was "exclusive" to my Master or not. In some ways a very obvious question, it was also quite an interesting question for me. The short answer is "yes of course" - i would never dream of doing anything with another Master (or sub or vanilla for that matter) and while i'm in chastity such a thing is impossible anyway. But that's not a complete answer, because although i would never initiate a hook-up or another meet, if Master wanted me to meet another Master or serve another Master for a casual session i would do so without question. Why? Because in serving or meeting another Master, i would be following my Master's orders. That is why i as a slave must direct all other Masters to speak with my Master: only my Master can decide what i can and cannot do and the terms on which i do it. And then my Master will inform me of what is to happen.

Similarly with other slaves or subs: if Master wanted me to meet with or talk to another boy He was considering, i would gladly do so. My loyalty to my Master is absolute and unquestioning, so therefore to be able to assist Him determine whether He wanted to have another sub or slave around would be an honour.

i wear my Master's collar with pride and happiness; in all aspects of my life i am determined to please, honour and assist Him in anyway i can. i would be lying if i did not acknowledge something very fundamental that i also get out of the slavery. Amongst the many things that Master's service gives me, one of them is freedom. Freedom to not have to worry about certain aspects of life and the freedom of knowing that certain decisions will be made for me and all i have to do is accept. To return to the Recon profile question, serving Master removes me from having to worry about responding to other requests and the like, for all of this i leave solely to Master. Likewise, the question of whether i have a PA is left solely to Master. my mind is thus freed to focus solely on Master.

i started this post by thinking i did not really have that much to say but i think in the end i had more to say than what i thought i did! Admittedly my creative thoughts were spurred by checking my profile for the first time since i updated it and seeing my messages, but there you go - inspiration lies everywhere. :-)