Monday, 9 May 2011
i am in the middle of my final term at university at the moment, so things are quite busy and full on and i have been very focused on writing my final dissertation. As a consequence of writing so much, i have been unfortunately a little neglectful of this blog. i hope to be able to resume blogging more regularly once the dissertation is finished.
i should add that i have been very grateful to Master for giving me the time, space and opportunity to focus on my university work. Master is kind and generous and i know He truly wants what's best for me and it means a great deal to me that Master has and continues to be patient with me while i go through this extremely busy period. So i am proud to say publicly "Thank You Master".
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Apart from the exciting news above, no real news today: Master is still in Spain and i am still powering away on my research.
Here are some pictures to celebrate my French exam results ... although I am not sure how the military theme relates though! Again, these are pictures of me ...
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
My friend has now left to do some travelling in Europe and i will see him again before he goes back home. i am now feeling a little bit homesick and it's probably not helped by the fact that i have spent the best part of tonight reading Australian newspapers and catching up on news from back home.
Master is still on His holidays in Spain at the moment, so things have been a little bit quiet on the communication front of late. On top of this, i am in quite a busy period in my studies which means i really need to focus and work hard on my dissertation and get it finished, which makes it harder to find the time to visit Master.
i thought i would "ease" back into more regular posting by blogging about some of the BDSM fantasies and scenes i am finding particularly hot at the moment:
- Public BDSM. After Master and i visited the fetish/kink event in His town i have been fantasising more and more about being dominated by Master in public and having Master restrain, gag and generally do bondage with me in front of an audience. Master is quite skilled in ropes and knots etc so i think this a possibility.
- Mummification combined with edging and milking. Simply said, i find this totally hot.
- Long term restraint. Leading on from mummification, i am really turned on at the moment by the idea of long-term restraint and bondage. i would particularly love to combine it with sensory deprivation.
Just a few ideas to get the week started!
Thursday, 21 April 2011
i am feeling quite exhausted as i write this post. The last couple of days i have been flat out with my research for my degree and so i am feeling a little bit brain-dead. In such situations it's rather difficult to write a coherent and readable blog, so i am going to take the rather easy way out and post another series of photos of me.
These photos all relate to a bondage-boxing theme which was quite fun. Unfortunately this scene was not with Master, but with the excellent top i mentioned in yesterday's post with whom i had the honour and privilege of playing with in late 2010 before i met Master.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
After a few technical issues with this blog, i have only recently been able to see how many people have looked at this blog and that viewers are from a number of different countries. i hope that those who read this blog find it of interest and enjoyable.
i thought i would make an open request to readers to email me questions or to post questions in the comments if you would like to me talk about any particular topics or know something about my relationship with Master. Thinking of new topics each day does take some work after a while and i would hate to be repetitive.
Another thing i was wondering is whether readers would find it more helpful if i moved away from the "date" as a heading and instead started use topic headings?
Because i do not really have too much to say i will conclude today's post with two pictures taken by another wonderful man i have had the privilege of meeting and playing with: Squaddie 5852995. Both pictures are of me in late 2010:
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
The other interesting aspect of our relationship is that it is very much an open-relationship. Master is free to embark upon any other sexual experiences He wishes and may have which ever sexual experiences He wishes. i cannot and my chastity is the guardian of this. Of course that does not mean i cannot have sex with people other than Master, it means that i need either Master's permission to do so, or Master's order to do so.
Hopefully this provides some context to the relationship Master and i share.
Monday, 18 April 2011
This is a very quick post to say i am back in England having had an amazing weekend in Madrid, Spain with a very good friend of mine. Madrid is such a beautiful city and it was great to be able to relax in the Spanish warmth and enjoy Spanish food, wine and hospitality.
i aim to post a more regular BDSM post tomorrow!
Friday, 15 April 2011
Wednesday, 14 April 2011
Today's daily blog is going to be a picture post as i am - rather unusually - without a topic to really blog or post about today.
Before i provide the pics, i thought i would at least talk about one interaction i had with Master today. Today i am feeling quite horny and my horniness has been increasing all afternoon and reached "fever pitch" when - without realising (or maybe He did) - Master called me. After the phone call i sent Master a txt asking whether there was anyway i might be able to cum today. Master refused permission and ordered me to have a cold shower instead! So that is what i went and did; after all, it is not for me to question Master's orders.
These pictures are all pics of me with a few pics of me and 153 from our joint session with Master:
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
Currently i am now back in College and away from Master. It is always hard to "come back to reality" after spending time with Master and i usually find the first day back in College that i am reconnecting friends, catching up on emails, doing the washing etc. All very mundane things, tinged with the sadness of being apart from Master.
This time i came back from Master's house without being in chastity which feels a little bit strange. Having been in a chastity device for some time, it feels rather weird to be "free" and not locked up. Originally i was not going to be in chastity because the PA would be healing, but that is not the case. Notwithstanding this, i am travelling to Spain for the weekend, so i needed to be out of the chastity device for airport security as well.
Since i have been in chastity for almost two months now, i feel quite adjusted to not cumming on a regular basis. On top of this, i am very much adjusted mentally to obeying Master's orders and commands and therefore i simply cannot imagine cumming without his permission. It feels like although i am not actually wearing the device, mentally i still am wearing the device. Regardless of this however, i am looking forward to relocking up the device when Master orders me to!
As i have chastity on the brain, i thought i would use this post to discuss the two chastity devices i have had experience with: the Steelworxx Steelheart device and the Birdlock.
Firstly, the Steelworxx device:
The Steelworxx device is made of stainless steel and the tube length and width is customised to my measurements. The device is reasonably heavy to wear and i find that when i wear it i need to wear underwear as well to support the device. Other than the weight issue, it is quite comfortable to wear and it can be worn for quite a long period of time without complaint. The only real challenge is keeping the device and the penis clean, particularly as i am uncut. The tube has a small hole for urine, so the easiest method is to clean carefully with a cotton-wool bud and to flush it out with anti-bacterial soap. i think the longest a person could go without removing the device is about two to three weeks. After this time i do think the device needs to be removed for proper cleaning.
The Birdlocked:
The Birdlocked is made from surgical grade silicon and, consequently, is much lighter and easier to wear. It can be easily worn underneath clothing and because it weighs far less, than is less downward pressure on your balls, hence the support of underwear is not required. From a cleaning perspective, the clear surface of the Birdlocked makes it easier to see how the penis going, plus there are multiple holes which are good for cleaning. One difficult aspect of cleaning however is that whereas the stainless steel can be wiped draw, there is harder on the silicon surface.
Most of my time in chastity has been spent in the Steelworxx device as this is the device i own. Master owns the Birdlocked and i am mainly in that device when i am with Him. The two devices are quite different and feel different to wear: it is harder for me to say which one i prefer wearing, but i probably learn towards to the Steelworxx for two main reasons. Firstly, i like the security of the Steelworxx device - it is secure and effectively impossible to remove without being unlocked. Secondly, i find the Steelworxx easier to keep clean and hygienic. The stainless steel is easier to clean and to keep dry, whereas sometimes i find the Birdlocked has a build up of urine and pre-cum inside it which i cannot remove.
The major advantage of the Birdlocked is its light weight and it's ease of being worn underneath clothing. Because it does not require support, the Birdlocked is particularly ideal for wearing when i am with Master because i am nearly always naked in His presence unless we are in public. Plus, when i am with Master i am removing the device more often, so therefore the cleanliness issue is removed.
From a slave perspective, the security and the weight of the Steelworxx device is quite attractive. It can always be felt on your cock and body, and for me, it is nice feeling to know that my cock is constantly under Master's lock and control.
Tuesday, 13 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE
Today was the last day of my visit to Master and it was time for me to return to college. It was rather hard to leave Master early this afternoon for two reasons: firstly, because - quite simply - i hate leaving Master; and two, because leaving Master met returning to my dissertation and the hard working reality of research!
i had a fantastic time with Master over the last six days and it was wonderful to be able to share such quality time with Master. We managed to achieve quite a lot over the last six days: attending an event, playing with another sub, various bondage sessions, eating out and shared experiences. It was a really fantastic time. i was even able to share in Master's enjoyment and happiness at having contact with someone from His past and it was lovely to see how much this communication meant to Master.
One of the things that i sometimes think that people underestimate or do not fully understand about Master-slave relationships is that although the relationships are very different and very unconventional when compared with other vanilla relationships, they are still very meaningful and very deep relationships. Master and i share a bond in our relationship that matters a great deal to both of us. We both enjoy the time and opportunities we share together and we both derive a great deal of comfort and pleasure from each other's company.
Although i have only seen Master for two visits now, i have spent more than 10 days in total with Master - rather intensively at that - and communicated with Master multiple times day a for almost two months now. From the nature of our Master-slave relationships Master knows a great deal about me and i know a great deal about Him. The strength of our relationship is that we have no need for secrets or double meanings and that is both refreshing and honest.
This is quite a simple blog post tonight. i am back home now and am sad to be away from Master. It is always hard when a visit comes to an end and it is also harder this time knowing that it will be some time until i see Master again. But in adversity comes strength, and i know the separation is a powerful opportunity to strengthen the bond between us.
Monday, 11 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE
Today was meant to be piercing day, but unfortunately things did not go quite according to plan.
Master had already decided that i would have a PA piercing to indicate both His ownership of me and the start of my contract with Master. Master, being the kind and considerate Master that He is, decided that the piercing would be done at a piercing place in a nearby city to where Master lives. Master choose the piercing place based on both local recommendations and was keen to ensure that the best possible piercer was chosen so there would be minimal complications.
i have had two piercings in the past - my left nipple and a frennum piercing. Unfortunately the frennum piercing migrated and i currently only have the left nipple piercing. i had previously considered getting a PA piercing on a number of occasions but had always baulked at the last minute, so i was quite keen and willing (albeit nervous) to get the PA piercing done.
Despite both phoning and emailing the piercing place to confirm, after we arrived at the piercing place (which was more than an hour from where Master lives) we were told that the piercer was away due to a family emergency. It was quite a blow and i felt very frustrated and i could tell Master was more than a little annoyed. It was a massive inconvenience for Master and a complete waste of His time. For me, it was the frustration of mentally preparing for something and then not being able to go ahead with it. All in all, quite a frustrating blow :-(
My disappointment also stems from the fact that my time with Master is always limited and it may be a little while now before Master and i have another opportunity to get the piercing done. Part of our goal in getting the piercing done today was so that it would have time to heal while Master and i both travel (separately) abroad and attend to a few other up and coming commitments.
The other "annoying" thing (although it was also extremely good) was that Master and i had done a reasonable amount of play last night and this morning (with multiple cums) as a sort of "milking" because i was going to be out of action for a while as the piercing healed. This morning Master basically tied me up to the bondage horse (think of a gymnastics vault but smaller) and edged me and milked me by both hand and with a prostate massager; as well as allowing me to wank myself for a third time. It was a fantastic experience but having not cum very much for a while now i feel quite tired this evening after cumming three times in one day, combined with the piercing disappointment.
This is a rather short post for today. It has been a good day spent with Master; a fabulous day for being able to cum multiple times, but a rather disappointing day for not being able to get the piercing done.
Sunday, 10 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE
i thought i would start off today's post with a picture. In an effort to provide a little more imagery for this blog i'm attempting to include, every so often, some images of things i like or find rather hot. So today's offering:
Motivation: although it is not overly clear, the boy in this picture has a PA which i will be getting tomorrow. No guesses for predicting what tomorrow's blog post will be about :-)
i am still at Master's at the moment and still loving my time with Master. The best thing about having these longer visits with Master is that there is sufficient time for Master and i to settle into a sense of peaceful domestic tranquility and to be able to enjoy each other's company.
If i hark briefly back to yesterday's post regarding slaves and subs, this domestic tranquility is something that is much more difficult for a sub to experience. The most special and rewarding moments in the Master-slave relationship are not necessarily those moments filled with kinky sex, but rather the moments of being together with Master in everyday life. It is simply "spending time" with Master that i enjoy very, very much. Kinky sex (or play) - as simply fantastic as it is - is not possible every moment of every day, no matter how hardcore the Master-slave relationship is. After all, such a relationship would be only based on one thing, and the true essence of the Master-slave relationship, in my opinion, stems from being able to support, encourage, and assist one's Master in every facet of their life.
One interesting thing that did happen today was my first real "discipline" session from Master. Basically i was out of my chastity device because it was rather painful and irritating this morning and so Master kindly allowed my cock some time out of the device to sooth the irritation. Naturally i'm quite horny anytime i'm around Master and a combination of the itchiness from the pre-cum and my general horniness as well my new-found freedom in that department made it hard for me to stop touching myself. This lead to Master having me over His knee for an impromptu spanking session (which only made me more horny) before locking me into a different chastity device. Although Master spanking made me hornier i did learn the lesson and have not touched myself since (apart from when going to the toilet) and i also know that if i am itchy in the future, i need to let Master know.
Last night Master and i went to a local fetish event in Master's hometown. Although there was not a large number of people at the event, it was quite an interesting night. By nature i am a bit of gossip and a busybody and i enjoyed witnessing and discussing with Master the politics of the gay fetish community in the local community. It was also nice to be publicly on display in that situation as Master's slave and i think it is an environment in which Master and i can explore further and do more public forms of Master-slave "kinky control" in the future.
The best thing about the event for me was that Master felt comfortable enough with me to show me off in public in such a situation, and for me to witness the general respect and recognition which Master has in this local community.
i am very, very proud of my Master and i think enormously highly of Him. Everything i have seen of Master throughout the time i have spent with Him has shown me that Master is a gentleman and a man of the utmost generosity, kindness, compassion and sensitivity. A wonderful combination in both a Master and (more importantly) a person.
Saturday, 9 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE
Today is day three of my visit with Master and it has been a wonderful time. i think for any slave, the most memorable and most valuable times are times just "spent" with their Master: sitting at their Master's feet or being with their Master and enjoying their Master's conversation and time. For a slave their Master is the centre of their universe, so time with Master is the best reward a slave can receive.
Last night one of Master's subs - 153 - visited and it was a fantastic evening and Master allowed me to cum. It was a fantastic experience seeing Master with another sub and the way Master cared for and monitored 153 and kept a clear and ongoing line of communication open with him. 153 is not as experienced as me and i thought it was simply fantastic the way Master carefully pushed the boundaries and experiences of a more novice sub.
During the session Master tried some things with me to push my pain limits, particularly using a tens machine. During the session i felt like i had a bit of pain epiphany and i was very comforted by the fact that i knew that Master would not give me anything that was too much or that i could not handle. Because i felt so comfortable in Master's control i felt myself surrendering and relaxing more and more with the pain being inflicted at various times.
Something that is hard to fully express in writing is the depth of the bond i feel i have with Master and the trust that this bond creates. It's a trust that allows me to relax and go with whatever sensation Master is giving me. Leading on from that, the pleasure i derive from making Master pleased with accepting whatever He decides to give me is immense.
i think 153 enjoyed the evening as well and it was fantastic to be able to meet him and i hope i will have the pleasure of playing with him again if Master wishes. For most of the evening we were suspended in a standing spreadeagled position, but at the end of the evening Master allowed 153 and i to kiss and cuddle in front of the fire and that was really lovely and cosy.
The second thing i wanted to address in this blog was the topic of "opinion" and how one communicates such opinions in a Master-slave context. This was also discussed in one of the main blogs i follow (and love to read) - "A Master and His slave".
The fact that Master and i have a difference of opinion on something became evident today in conversation about politics and the upcoming referendum in the UK on changing the voting system. Master and i both have loyalties to different political parties and we will both be voting different ways in the referendum and the local elections.
A conventional viewpoint might be that a slave should always agree with his Master's views on everything. However, i do not think this is the case. Although i do not know for sure, i believe that one of the things Master perhaps likes about me as a slave, is that i do have opinions and am able to discuss them with Master. After all, it does make for more interesting conversation if i can have an opinion on a particular topic and am in a position to discuss it with Master.
What is important however, is that these opinions are always conveyed in a respectful and appropriate format. If Master wanted me to change my opinion on something, to be honest i probably would. But i say that because i know on the most fundamental of things Master and i share the same views, and if there were differences, Master respects my ability to make up my own mind on things. If the topic were a more general one of course, i would change my opinion to concur with Master's opinion if He felt that was correct.
The other key thing is that i would never ever disagree with Master in front of another person (or people), even if expressing a personal opinion, unless Master made it completely apparent that it was appropriate to do so. i believe very fundamentally that in public and to the outside world there should be "no shade of daylight" between a Master and his slave. In a public situation, i would simply say nothing or if the situation required, make a rather bland statement. If i had a difference of opinion, i would raise that with Master in private.
This is important because to the outside world i am Master's slave and Master's property, therefore it would be strange and perhaps incongruous to the Master-slave relationship for others to see me publicly disagreeing with Master. If i am honoured to be in public with Master, i want others to see me as Master's loyal and devoted slave (or in a very vanilla context, loyal and devoted companion) which i always aim to be.
Friday, 8 April 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE
** 4th cum for Master **
i am in a wonderful mood today. Currently i'm at Master's house and it is fantastic to be back here after a rather short break away. It is good to be with Master again and i feel like we have easily settled back into eachother's company. i feel very relaxed around Master and quite at home and quite comfortable in Master's house.
The other great thing was that Master has let me cum, which was a fantastic feeling, particularly after 11 days in chastity. This morning i was back into my chastity device and it was the first time that i actually did not feel overly excited about going back into chastity. It made me realise that i now accept chastity as part of my daily life, meaning that some of the excitement about it has started to go. Going back into chastity, while obviously accepted and expected, now makes chastity seem more routine. i take it as evidence of my ever increasing slide into slavery.
Master has asked me to blog about the difference between slavery and being a submissive. In some ways this is a rather simple topic to blog about, but in other ways it is more complex. Before i delve into my thoughts, i thought i would start with a rather hot picture to provide some more images for this blog:
So the relevance of this picture to a discussion of slavery versus subs? Quite simply, there are two boys and only one cock: perhaps it is a Master with a sub and a slave? :-)
For me, the essential difference between a slave and a sub is a lifestyle difference. Most subs are only "subs" for the duration of the scene or scheduled play time. Once playtime is over, they revert to their normal selves and may even socialise with their Masters as equals outside of the scene. Ofter subs will have limits and may engage in more detailed discussions with a particular Master about the type of scene they want to be part of. Usually the scene or session will have a designated finishing time.
For slaves, their is no "session" as the Master-slave relationship is a lifestyle that is lived on a day-to-day basis. As a consequences, a slave is always a slave in his Master's presence and nearly always a slave apart from his Master. A slave usually does not have any limits aside from a few safety precautions and his service to his Master will transcend a particular scene and stretch into the realm of normal everyday life. A slave surrenders total control to his Master and that control is surrendered indefinitely (although effectively for the duration of a contract) whereas a sub will surrender control (and even then how much control may be defined) for a particular set scene or time period.
Slaves can either be full-time and actually live with their Master or part-time and live away from their Master. i am a part-time slave because i live away from Master, but even then, part-time slaves are much distinguishes from subs. Although both may only see their Master occasionally, the day-to-day differences are enormous.
For example, although i am part-time slave, i am a slave because i have surrendered total control to Master. When i am in the vanilla world away from Master, i am still in chastity, still wear a collar and still live my life in accordance with a set of rules Master has issued. My daily life is very much structured around my slavery, even when Master is not present. When away from Master i have daily contact with Master - usually at minimum twice a day, but often much more - and Master controls decisions i might make in the vanilla world. This would not happen with an ordinary sub. Whereas a sub might control over his own sex life, i have no such control. The only sexual activity i have is with Master or as directed by Master.
One of the key areas where i am different from a sub with my Master, is that my visits to Master are also a lot longer than the usual sub visits. Whereas a sub might visit for a couple of hours or overnight; my visits to Master are usually five or six days in length and involve a substantial amount of time spent with Master, always in the Master-slave context, but necessarily doing "pure" bondage activities.
Another way of examining the difference between submissives and slaves is to consider the issues of volunteerism and trust. Both subs and slaves obviously serve their Masters voluntarily (to do otherwise would be illegal after all), but slaves can and will do things they do not like, simply to please their Master. This is a concept that is difficult to explain in writing, but it is best described as a certain way of "being": the Master-slave relationship is quite a deep relationship and exists at a level beyond safe words and limits. The Master and their slave are able to have this because their relationship is built very heavily on trust and trust that has been built and solidified over a long period of time. Unless a sub places with a Master very regularly, it is unlikely that a sub will achieve the same level of trust with his Master. At the end of the day, the Master and slave spend a great deal of time with each other which serves to engender the feeling of trust and strengthens the bond between them.
i hope this explanation of my understanding of the differences between slaves and subs is of value. It is an interesting topic and i will post further on it as my thoughts on it develop. The challenge is while i understand what makes me a slave (namely, the things i have outlined above), it is more difficult to put it into a more discrete and explicable framework.
Thursday, 7 April 2011 - MASTER'S HOUSE
** 3rd cum for Master **
Today is going to be a great day - i'm heading off shortly to the train station for my second meet with Master and i'm really, really looking forward to it. This time i will be with Master for six days, so it will be enough time to spend some really quality time with Master.
Master has indicated that He will probably have another sub over to join us on Friday night and i am looking forward to this as well. While i have done sessions with another sub before, they have been more like 3-way sex than BDSM sessions, so i am excited to see what it will be like with Master. Master and i have quite a clear structure to our relationship and adhere to our Master-slave protocol at all times, so i think have a session with another sub will be very interesting. i am also looking forward to having another sub around (even if only for a matter of hours) who appreciates and values Master as much as i do.
This second visit feels quite different to the first visit. In some ways the second visit feels more exciting because i have a much better idea of what life over the next six days will be like: i am more familiar with Master's lifestyle and routine. Furthermore, for the second visit, i have do not really have any expectations. i do not believe a slave should have expectations from a time with his Master; rather a slave should be grateful for the opportunity to visit his Master and spend time with Him. Therefore, for me, the only expectation i guess i have is to see Master and to enjoy Master's company and to enjoy being able to serve Master.
From Master's perspective, the second visit is probably a bit different. Whereas i have now relaxed totally into Master's control and have accepted Master's control and direction in my life; for Master the second visit provides new opportunities because He knows me and who i am. For Master the second visit provides the ideal time for Him to reinforce his expectations about what He wants from me and to further extend His control over me.
i have signed my contract with Master now and for the next three months i am His to do with as He pleases. i have every intention of honouring my contract - that's the sort of slave i am - and therefore Master effectively has carte blanche to do as He pleases (working within certain prescribed Rules we have negotiated). For me, i simply feel grateful that Master is willing to spend so much time and effort on me.
Although i have no expectations from this visit, i do hope that Master might be able to take some photos of me which i can then post to this blog. Given Master has decided to make this blog public, i feel i should probably add a few more photos every so often to break up the text so any dear readers do not find themselves too overwhelmed by my verbosity!
All in all, just a short post today; but so excited to be seeing Master!
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
i am in a very good mood as i type this post, because tomorrow i am off to stay with Master and i will be with Master for six days - i am very excited and very much looking forward to spending time with Master!
Today was mainly spent in London having lunch with a friend, seeing a film at the BFI and doing some special shopping for Master and that is what this post is mainly going to focus on. Today was the final day of the LGBT Film Festival at the BFI and today's film was probably the film i enjoyed the least; nonetheless i enjoyed the opportunity to see it. i'm a passionate supporter of queer film and i believe it's vital the queer community continues to support and encourage the arts within our community. Film in particular is an integral part in promoting greater understanding of queer issues and of recording and documenting our history and ongoing struggles.
My political rant stated, my special shopping for Master is probably of more interest. Master had stated that He wanted me to get a leather jockstrap and, admittedly at my suggestion, leather boots. Given i was planning to come down to London for the film festival, Master was amenable to my purchasing these items today. i was quite excited to be purchasing "kink" items at Master's requests. My collection of gear is surprisingly small and what little i do have is mostly in Australia: all i have in the UK is a vibrating butt plug, bicep leather strap, some cock rings, a butt plug, white jockstraps and a chastity device. A rather small collection for a slave! Knowing that i was purchasing items that Master wanted me to purchase made everything feel so much more exciting and i was keen to purchase the items: after all, i want Master to be pleased when He looks at me!
There are two main fetish shops in London which i think are ideal for the type of clothing i was looking for. The leather jockstrap i bought from RoB and although more expensive than the one in Expectations, i think the RoB jockstrap looks quite hot, plus i liked the idea of the zip down the front. RoB is quite an established leather and kink brand and i have previously shopped in both their Amsterdam and Berlin stores. A picture of the jockstrap i bought:
This jockstrap is actually the first bit of leather fetish clothing per se i have actually owned so i am quite excited about.
The more interesting stuff happened in Expectations where i went to buy boots. Leather boots can be quite expensive, particularly for new boots, so one of the reasons why i went to Expectations was because they sell used ex-military boots. Of course, wearing used ex-military boots is quite hot as well! There was really only one style of boot available, so thankfully Master was okay with them. i had sent photos of jockstrap and boots to Master before making my purchases. The boots i bought:
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Welcome to the first post of the new and updated blog. Master has allowed me to make some changes to this blog which hopefully will make the blog a little bit "nicer" to read as well as incorporating some formatting changes.
i have previously commented on how much i enjoy writing this blog and how much i get out of it. i am grateful to Master for recognising how much this blog has come to mean for me and for allowing me to make the changes i was keen to make. Master has even suggested in His own blog that He might consider making this blog public and for me that is a great honour.
For a slave, one of the greatest honours a Master can bestow is public recognition of their approval of their slave. For me, Master allowing others to read the blog makes me feel humbled and proud. It demonstrates to me that Master is satisfied with my work and that Master is willing to allow me - a representation of Him - into the public domain. For my part, i am extremely proud of my ownership by Master and i am proud to be able to share that publicly.
In today's post i want to discuss a rather emotional and sensitive issue for me, and that was an email received from another Master with whom i had met once and then had a long period of correspondence with. When i accepted Master's contract i wrote to this other Master and explained what i was doing and i have only recently heard back from him. Needless to say, he was not happy with my decision to serve Master and his email in response was rather upsetting. Master-slave relationships are human relationships and managing them is no different from human relationships. This other Master felt that i owed him something more than what i had and that i was committed to him in a way i was not. When my email purported to make that clear he was not happy. This master seeks an outcome i can not give him and an outcome that - truth be told - would not make me very happy or fulfilled. There were many reasons why a relationship with this master did not and could not work and i have already had the opportunity to canvass them with Master.
Thankfully i was able to turn to my Master for comfort and support. One of the things that i value so much about my Master is that He is there for me: to comfort, to support, to guide, to advice and to listen when i need it. Knowing that i had His support and understanding mattered so much to me. This other "relationship" was part of my BDSM experience, but my focus now is on my relationship with Master. This is a relationship that i truly believe in and a relationship that i truly believe will work.
The other valuable thing about tonight's events is the opportunity it provided for self-realisation. It remind me of the sacrifices and things i am giving up for my Master. Sometimes i think maybe i gloss over the sacrifices, but they are real and tangible. Physically, my chastity denies me control not only over my own pleasure but ensures i cannot have intimacy with anyone other than Master (not that i want too of course) or people of Master's choosing. i wear Master's collar. i surrender significant proportions of my time each day to complying with Master's orders and requests. My slavery is very real - the control i have surrendered is very real and there are things i physically cannot do, even if i badly wanted to disobey Master and do them. In the virtual world my slavery is also total: my profiles record my ownership and direct enquiries to Master. The Slave Register records me as owned. In our BDSM world, our online profiles matter enormously to us: before the entire BDSM community my ownership by Master has been declared.
But the key thing is, i love doing all of it. i love being owed, i love Master's control and i love obeying Master's orders and commands. i regret absolutely nothing and i would do it all again tomorrow if i have too.
Master's blog talks about the journey He has taken to find a slave; my journey has been to find a Master. That journey has long; there have been plenty of adventures and fun times along the way, but there has also been plenty of heartache, frustration and disappointed opportunities. i started experimenting with BDSM when i was 18 and i have spent the last 10 years seeking a Master whom i could serve and a Master under whom i could grow as both a slave and a person. Many times i felt like giving up, but i persevered and i am glad i did.
i have found in Master both the Master and the person i have been searching a very long time for. My dedication and devotion to Him is total. In my slavery to Him i feel an enormous and overwhelming sense of happiness and bliss. Tonight's temporary inconvenience, although emotionally painful, is an important realisation of how much Master means to me. Master makes me happy and content and in life that is all we can seek.
At the end of the day all that matters to me is Master's happiness and pleasure and my happiness and pleasure. Fundamentally, although it may not seem very slave-like to admit it; for the Master-slave relationship to work, both Master and slave have to be happy; for if the slave makes the Master unhappy, there is no point to the slave remaining. i believe Master is happy and i know that i am happy. Serving Master gives me a great sense of fulfilment and happiness. i long for nothing more than to be at Master's feet.
My search for a Master has been a long and challenging journey; but like all good fairy tales, it has had a happy ending. i have found my Master - my prince charming - and there is happiness, peace and contentment in my little world.
Monday, 4 April 2010
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Friday, 1 April 2011
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Wednesday, 30 March 2011 - MASTER's HOUSE
** 3rd day chaste **
At the moment i am on the train heading back to London. The last four days with Master seemed to have rushed by!
Heading back to London, it is a logical time to reflect on the last four days and what has happened; my expectations and how i feel “things” went. The first comment i must make at the outset was that i had an absolutely lovely time. In Master’s house i was made to feel welcome, i was comfortable and i was very, very happy.
The biggest hope or expectation i had from the visit was to experience what 24/7 slavery might be like. To clarify in my own mind whether i was indeed the slave i thought i was. On this point my expectations were clearly meet: i know i am a slave and i know i can make the slave commitment (and have made that commitment for the next three months at least). Throughout my time with Master i loved Master’s control, orders and direction.
By day 2 Master had my unquestioning trust and there was no doubt in my mind that i enjoyed following His orders and directions. Something that i found myself enjoying more than i expected too was Master’s control in public. Wearing Master’s collar in public was fantastic and i loved Master exercising control in public. Serving Master publicly was an enormous thrill for me and something i am keen to explore and be part of further.
Thinking about it all, i am actually finding it hard to put my feelings into words because quite simply, i am just really happy and really pleased with how it all went. At the end of the day, things were just fantastic and that is great!
Amongst the things i particularly enjoyed was sitting at Master’s feet while eating and talking, and i loved the way Master touched and fondled my body. Something that i am very quickly noticing about slavery as compared with being a sub is the exclusivity of the physical contact that slavery brings. As Master is the only one who touches me, Master’s touch and caresses count for a great deal to me and are especially significant. i am noticing that the merest touch of my body by Master generates an attempted erection on my part and last night when Master measured me with a measuring tape i was leaking pre-cum in buckets!
The other thing i noticed about myself was how much i conscientiously followed Master’s rules and regulations; even when Master was not home. For the whole time i was with Master in His house, i did not use the furniture at all. Even when i was on my own i complied with the Rules. For the times i was alone and working on my laptop i simply sat on the floor in Master’s upstairs bedroom (as it was warmer and i could see from the window when Master arrived home) and worked. Likewise, if Master was physically present i never went to the toilet without permission even waiting for my morning toilet visit until after breakfast.
One of the things i did find more challenging was not wearing shoes in the house, particularly when the floor was cold. At the same time, i enjoyed this because a slave’s life is not meant to be comfortable and i enjoyed the minor discomfort of this. In the same way, i enjoyed Master’s control over my daily appearance: no deodorant, no gels, no products, no moisturisers was a unique and different experience for me; but it meant i was more focused on Master than on myself. Furthermore, it ensured that i was totally in the right mindset for a slave as compared with my vanilla world.
Looking to the future i am excited and optimistic for how my relationship with Master can further grow.
In future meets two things i am looking forward to is Master exercising increasing control over me and to more (and more intense) BDSM. This first meet was important for both Master and i to meet each other properly and after four days with me i think Master knows a lot more about the type of person i am and i know a lot more about Master and His life.
i was very much aware that throughout the visit Master took pains to make me feel comfortable and relaxed and to reassure me that He had my best interests at heart. And i can assure Master that this was successful. As i said above, i trust Master completely and without hesitation. Know that our relationship has been firmly established and grounded in a knowledge of what we are each like as people, it is possible for Master to exercise greater control in areas where He wants to.
Furthermore, know that basic parameters have been established, i am realistic and prepared for future sessions. i am prepared for Master to be more assertive and to punish me for things which are not done correctly or as well as He wishes. And i am prepared for this now, because i have the solid foundation of knowing what kind of person Master is, and therefore i know He is fundamentally and an extremely kind, generous and decent person. Master is a gentleman.
Because the foundations have been so solidly laid, as a slave i prepared and excited for the future. Rather than moving too quickly, Master has comforted me by making me feel safe and secure in His home before we make things more intense and this is something i am pleased about.
As for bondage, i have no doubt this will increase in future visits when time is not an issue. i simply can not wait for Master to push and expand my perceived limits in this area. One of the things i both loved and hated was that Master only allowed me to cum once on the Sunday night. i loved it because Master is controlling me and i always thought it would be great to experience a meet without cumming and only being able to focus on Master’s pleasure. i hate it though because serving Master makes me feel so horny and i know i now have to wait at least 8 days before i even have the possibility of cumming again! A subtle hint to Master here … one of my other fantasies, along with a prostate milking, is to be milked until a dry or empty orgasm if possible …
One of the things i am particularly happy about is that i believe Master and i have excellent communication flow. In my opinion, Master communicates very well and to me it is readily apparent from his language and his body and facial expressions what His mood is. To me, Master is clear and unambiguous in what He wants and expects and i am very happy with that. For my end of the bargain, i believe i communicate my thoughts, concerns, desires etc well and that Master is able to be fully aware of what i think.
Sitting in the train, wearing Master’s vanilla collar, back in chastity, i am excited about what the next three months will bring. i firmly believe i will come out of the next three months not only as a better, more devoted and dedicated slave; but a richer and more fulsome person.
Already i am very, very fond of Master. i am optimistic and confident about our relationship, because i enjoy Master’s company and relish spending time with him. An important aspect for any Master-slave relationship to work. I simply love serving Master in every aspect and i loved being able to serve him sexually. Serving Master sexually was perhaps the highlight of my visit and as stated in yesterday’s post; i love Master’s cock!
The next three months are going to be fantastic. i can’t wait to visit Master again – i’m already counting down the next eight nights until i’m back at Master’s feet!