** 9th day chaste **
Welcome to the first post of the new and updated blog. Master has allowed me to make some changes to this blog which hopefully will make the blog a little bit "nicer" to read as well as incorporating some formatting changes.
i have previously commented on how much i enjoy writing this blog and how much i get out of it. i am grateful to Master for recognising how much this blog has come to mean for me and for allowing me to make the changes i was keen to make. Master has even suggested in His own blog that He might consider making this blog public and for me that is a great honour.
For a slave, one of the greatest honours a Master can bestow is public recognition of their approval of their slave. For me, Master allowing others to read the blog makes me feel humbled and proud. It demonstrates to me that Master is satisfied with my work and that Master is willing to allow me - a representation of Him - into the public domain. For my part, i am extremely proud of my ownership by Master and i am proud to be able to share that publicly.
In today's post i want to discuss a rather emotional and sensitive issue for me, and that was an email received from another Master with whom i had met once and then had a long period of correspondence with. When i accepted Master's contract i wrote to this other Master and explained what i was doing and i have only recently heard back from him. Needless to say, he was not happy with my decision to serve Master and his email in response was rather upsetting. Master-slave relationships are human relationships and managing them is no different from human relationships. This other Master felt that i owed him something more than what i had and that i was committed to him in a way i was not. When my email purported to make that clear he was not happy. This master seeks an outcome i can not give him and an outcome that - truth be told - would not make me very happy or fulfilled. There were many reasons why a relationship with this master did not and could not work and i have already had the opportunity to canvass them with Master.
Thankfully i was able to turn to my Master for comfort and support. One of the things that i value so much about my Master is that He is there for me: to comfort, to support, to guide, to advice and to listen when i need it. Knowing that i had His support and understanding mattered so much to me. This other "relationship" was part of my BDSM experience, but my focus now is on my relationship with Master. This is a relationship that i truly believe in and a relationship that i truly believe will work.
The other valuable thing about tonight's events is the opportunity it provided for self-realisation. It remind me of the sacrifices and things i am giving up for my Master. Sometimes i think maybe i gloss over the sacrifices, but they are real and tangible. Physically, my chastity denies me control not only over my own pleasure but ensures i cannot have intimacy with anyone other than Master (not that i want too of course) or people of Master's choosing. i wear Master's collar. i surrender significant proportions of my time each day to complying with Master's orders and requests. My slavery is very real - the control i have surrendered is very real and there are things i physically cannot do, even if i badly wanted to disobey Master and do them. In the virtual world my slavery is also total: my profiles record my ownership and direct enquiries to Master. The Slave Register records me as owned. In our BDSM world, our online profiles matter enormously to us: before the entire BDSM community my ownership by Master has been declared.
But the key thing is, i love doing all of it. i love being owed, i love Master's control and i love obeying Master's orders and commands. i regret absolutely nothing and i would do it all again tomorrow if i have too.
Master's blog talks about the journey He has taken to find a slave; my journey has been to find a Master. That journey has long; there have been plenty of adventures and fun times along the way, but there has also been plenty of heartache, frustration and disappointed opportunities. i started experimenting with BDSM when i was 18 and i have spent the last 10 years seeking a Master whom i could serve and a Master under whom i could grow as both a slave and a person. Many times i felt like giving up, but i persevered and i am glad i did.
i have found in Master both the Master and the person i have been searching a very long time for. My dedication and devotion to Him is total. In my slavery to Him i feel an enormous and overwhelming sense of happiness and bliss. Tonight's temporary inconvenience, although emotionally painful, is an important realisation of how much Master means to me. Master makes me happy and content and in life that is all we can seek.
At the end of the day all that matters to me is Master's happiness and pleasure and my happiness and pleasure. Fundamentally, although it may not seem very slave-like to admit it; for the Master-slave relationship to work, both Master and slave have to be happy; for if the slave makes the Master unhappy, there is no point to the slave remaining. i believe Master is happy and i know that i am happy. Serving Master gives me a great sense of fulfilment and happiness. i long for nothing more than to be at Master's feet.
My search for a Master has been a long and challenging journey; but like all good fairy tales, it has had a happy ending. i have found my Master - my prince charming - and there is happiness, peace and contentment in my little world.
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