i am still with Master at the moment and am enjoying very much being under His control. In contrast to my normal postings which i usually have some degree of control over; today's posting is on a topic that Master has asked me to specifically write about.
Master asks that i blog about the difference between my vanilla lifestyle and the lifestyle i have when i am with Master.
It is much harder for me to talk about my current lifestyle as a student because there is less scope for my individual autonomy, so i intend to discuss the difference between my lifestyle when i was working and my lifestyle with Master. In life i have had two main types of jobs: firstly, i worked in politics on the staff of a very senior politician and the secondly, i worked as a solicitor in prominent international commercial law firm.
By way of explanation, solicitors can be divided between those who work in smaller, suburban firms or private practice and specialise in "individual law" (buying a house, family law, minor crime etc); solicitors working in a criminal law; and solicitors working in commercial law. Commercial law firms (like any business) range from major international firms to very small firms working in their local area. The firm i worked for was very prominent our work was with high-end clients. Within commercial firms their is a divide between solicitors who do transactional work (finance, property etc); advisory work (commercial deals, mergers and aquisitions, tax advice) and litigation (courtroom work, dispute resolution, problem solving). i was in litigation.
Like most litigation lawyers i am, in the vanilla world, dominant, self-confident, controlling, and demanding. In the vanilla world i felt quite comfortable advising clients and telling clients whether something was possible or not; directing junior staff; and having various secretaries and support staff assist me. i even had a secretary of my own!
Essentially, as i said above, the difference boils down to control. Rather than having strategic control and direction over events in my own life (and effectively, in the lives of others) with Master i have none.
The other difference relates to the different tasks i am doing. For Master i do things that another person might do for me (make coffee, organise diary, set-up a phone etc). i find this quite interesting; although in doing these tasks for Master i derive a great sense of pleasure and enjoyment because i feel like and i know i am ensuring that Master's day is that little bit easier and more comfortable.
In one of my earlier posts i talked about balancing the dynamic between the vanilla world and Master's world and i think it can be done. The secret is to have the mental strength and commitment to make it work. When i am with Master, i feel that i naturally and happily settle into the comfortable zone of having Master exercise control and make decisions for me. When i am in the workplace i become the dominant person i need to be in my career.
But i do find that my submissiveness extends into my daily life in a multitude of ways. i don't mind (and am fact am rather happy) when friends decide where we will eat or what we might do. i might offer suggestions but am happy for others to take leadership. My closest friends all seem to be people with self-confidence and dominance of their own; people set in their opinions so perhaps i am attracted to that type of person.
My close friends often comment (in a rather joking way) that they are emotional independent while i tend to be emotionally dependent. i do seek the advice and reassurance of others (particularly those whom i trust). These sorts of core qualities i have lend themselves (in my humble opinion) to being good qualities for a slave as well.
Being with Master at the moment is fantastic. i am enjoying the experience immensely and i hope that i am being a good slave to Master. What i am loving is the pragmatic and realistic way my servitude is turning out to be. i enjoy spending time with Master and i enjoy hearing his views and about his life. i enjoy being able to help Master with his projects but also able to assist Master in areas where i can be of assistance.
i love the fact (and am very grateful for it) that Master has noticed that i am by nature affectionate and i love being touched and cuddled and generally being the receipt of Master's affection. For me, Master - like no other Master i have ever known - is able to demonstrate affection to me but do so in a way that preserve the core inequality of Master and slave that exists between us. On reflection, i think this is particularly significant for me, because although i am a slave being able to give and receive affection is crucially important to me and i do not believe i could be in a Master-slave relationship that did not have this quality. Perhaps because i am emotionally dependent, i could not cope with Master being emotionally distant from me; and for this reason it matters to me that Master listens to any comments i make and that Master explains things to me.
i want to be able to share the highs and lows of Master's life with him. To be happy for Master when He enjoys success, to be part of His happy memories and to be a support for Him when times are tough. In the same way, for me i think a true Master-slave relationship exists when i feel that i can be honest and open with Master and tell Him what is happening in my life. To be able to say i feel sad and i miss family and friends back home and to know that Master cares about me. It takes nothing away from a Master-slave relationship if the Master and slave care about each other, if anything it demonstrates the strength of the bond.
This morning when Master cuddled me i felt quite moved and maybe i did not really show it; but it meant a great deal to me. Back home i came from a very affectionate family and i was always hugging and kissing my parents, my sister, my closest friends! In England with the exception of a few hugs with very close friends over here (unfortunately they are not people who like physical affection!), i don't really have anyone i can turn to and ask for a hug. Perhaps it seems silly to say, but being hugged by Master this morning was the first time i've been hugged with care and affection for quite some time and it was something that meant a great deal to me.
So affection is something that is important to me in both the vanilla world and in Master's world. Master has made me feel so comfortable with Him. Already after just one day i feel that i am relaxed and am myself with Master. i trust Master and i know He has my best interests at heart - i can already feel that Master has a sense of care for me and i am so, so grateful for that.
i feel (and am) a very lucky, happy, contented slave.
:D
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