Wednesday, 23 March 2011

** 9th day chaste **

Tuesday afternoon was not a great day. My day in the Archives although productive and on the whole successful was not as productive and successful as I would have liked. Afterwards as I walked back to the Tube stop I spoke to one of my recruiters who is helping with my job search on the phone and although he was still positive, I felt frustrated that one of the promising positions had fallen through. Finally to top it all off the tube ride was long and crowded and I got off at the wrong station (I learnt that Canada Water is not the same as Canada Square).

As I wandered around the Waitrose purchasing items to cook a thank you dinner for the friend I'm staying with, I very much felt like cumming. Not because I was particularly horny, but rather to relax and a stress-relief mechanism. I normally find that when I am particularly stressed I do one of two things: (a) I do exercise, or (b) I cum. Since being in chastity (both physically, and more lately, mentally) I have been reliant on (a), but that has not been possible in London.

What was interesting though, was no matter how much I thought it would be good to have some quality tension release; at no point time in time did I seriously think I would disobey my Master and do it. I could easily have cum: after all, I was not in chastity and I simply could have cum and no one would have been the wiser. But I most definitely did not.

I think an important lesson learnt about slavery, and one that I learnt yesterday, is accepting that a slave because one has surrendered control over certain things; one cannot always act unilaterally one's own desires. I could not cum because I was not allowed to. To do so regardless of my Master's instructions would be deceitful and dishonest. Of course I could have lied to my Master and never have told him; but that would make the situation even worse. More fundamentally however, if a slave ignores his Master; why be a slave in the first place? A fundamental component of the Master-slave relationship is the surrendering of control on a complete basis. I surrendered control because I wanted too. Likewise, slavery is not something that I can opt out of when I want to.

I had been out of chastity over the weekend to allow some minor areas of irritation on my cock to heal. On Tuesday afternoon, as soon as I arrived in the house I looked at my cock to see how it was going. Saw that everything looked healed and swiftly set about locking myself up. Almost immediately on locking I felt quite calm and settled. Followed by a glass of wine, my favourite opera and cooking I was soon quite relaxed and my day did not seem so bad in hindsight. There is a photo me re-locked at the top of this post.

What made me proud of my experience was how I handled it. I always knew there "would be days like this" - bad days, days when I felt unwell, days when perhaps I just "didn't feel like it". I believe that slavery is something for the long-haul, not just when the going is good. I felt quite proud of myself that even when I was in a bad mood and feeling particularly stressed I still obeyed my Master's orders and did as I was told.

Even more than that, I felt like something had changed within myself, for even though I knew I wanted to cum; I also knew at the sometime that I did not want too. I knew I was not allowed to cum and therefore I knew I was never going to disobey my Master on that order . Also, I knew that I had wanted to cum I could have asked Master and asked his permission; but that also would not have felt right. I wanted to wait so that the next time I came was with my Master. It is after all his cock to enjoy. To be asked to be allowed to cum simply for stress release would be a bit of a disappointment.

Finally, given that chastity will be part of my life moving forward, I think it is important to deal with it. Finding alternative ways to de-stress, including exercise but also music, reading, cooking etc is a healthy approach both mentally and physically.

The overriding obligation of a good slave is to serve and obey his Master without question. My Master had given a very very clear order on something and I was not going to disobey him or plead for an exemption. For me, to do so would strike at the very heart of my service to my Master and I would never risk that. I am keen to make my Master proud of me and I will give my utmost to provide my Master with the dedication, devotion and respect my Master deserves.

The second theme I wanted to mention in today's post stems from finishing Jack Rinella's book on "The Compleat Slave". I have been thinking about the idea of what I call "comfort and affection" in the Master-slave relationship.

I am not sure on what my Master's views on this area, but I am in favour of comfort and affection in the Master-slave relationship. I know my Master has already been quite clear that the Master-slave relationship is what it is: a Master-slave relationship. It is not a romance, it is not boyfriends, it is not friendship. It is a completely different type of relationship outside the realm of the usual relationships a person might have in their life. The fundamental basis of the Master-slave relationship is that it is based on inequality: the superiority of the Master compared with the inferiority of the slave.

Notwithstanding this, I do think there is scope in the appropriate circumstances for their to be a degree of affection in the Master-slave relationship. The slave's affection towards his Master is easily demonstrated by his dedication and devotion to his Master. The focus of the slave is on ensuring his Master's pleasure and comfort. A dedicated slave will no doubt become affectionate, loving, caring and protective towards his Master.

How a Master demonstrates affection to his slave is more difficult to describe. In my opinion, I think it is perhaps more analogous to the way a person might display affection towards a pet. A pat on the head, a scratch behind the ear etc. I think a Master can demonstrate his care for his slave in a limitless number of ways, some of which can be physical. A slave who has done well in enduring a particularly stressful or painful BDSM session could be rewarded with a comforting cuddle by his Master. A good slave might be rewarded by his Master patting his head while the slave sits at his Master's feet.

I think in the situation when I am getting my PA done, I would like to think that if I was finding it painful my Master would provide me with comfort, perhaps holding my hand or providing some reassurance in other ways through his presence.

For me, the comfort and affection the Master provides is important to the Master-slave relationship. For the Master the slave is a valued and treasured possession; for the slave the Master is an enormous part of their daily existence. For the true slave, the Master is the first and last thing they think of everyday, not to mention the countless other times in-between. The Master's word is law and everything the slave does is geared towards ensuring his Master's approval. Every action the Master takes is carefully noted by his slave to ensure the slave responds appropriately and is able to support his Master in exactly the right way. Therefore, of all the rewards a Master can give, the simple cuddle or pat from a Master is perhaps the one that means the most to a slave.

Only four more sleeps until I meet Master! I definitely feel like I am in countdown mood!