Over the last few days, on Master's instructions, I have been reading Jack Rinella's "The Compleat Slave". I am about halfway through the book and it has been a great read. Most of the ideas Rinella discusses are not new to me, but it has been productive to be able to read these ideas laid out in a logical and organised way. An excellent book, I am very grateful to Master for instructing me to read it.
One of the things Rinella discusses in his book is that a slave only has four main words: "Sir", "Yes" and "Thank You". I definitely agree with Rinella on this point and he has touched upon something that I think is very fundamental in the Master-slave relationship, namely the gratitude which a slave should show towards his Master. Any time a Master spends on his slave is a gift or reward to the slave, particularly when the Master obviously has no obligation to spend time per se on his slave. The Master has other obligations to his slave - to ensure the slave is adequately cared for and provided for - but this does not mean the Master must spend time with the slave.
The essence of the Master-slave relationship is that the Master is the centre of the slave's universe; the slave is extremely unlikely to be the centre of the Master's universe. For me as a slave, Master is always the first thing I think about in the morning (demonstrated by when I check in by txt) and nearly always the last thing on my mind at night (demonstrated by when I chat to Master before bed). Even when I am not with Master physically, I am preparing myself to be with physically present with Master so that I can serve him well to the utmost of my abilities and in a manner that will make Master proud.
Keeping a slave in chastity helps, in my opinion, to ensure the slave's mind is focused on his Master's needs. Once the temptation of the slave's own pleasure is removed, the slave is able to focus entirely on his Master's pleasure, and this is the way it should be.
I think achieving the necessary mental framework of always thinking about Master's needs and always putting Master first is not easy. No matter how great the desire to serve, achieving the requisite mental outlook for a slave requires the slave to overcome ingrained cultural beliefs and stereotypes which focus on the individual self. The slave has to put these to one side to focus on Master.
For me, I know that I have the overwhelming desire to serve necessary for slavery, but I know that I am still on my journey to achieving full mental compliance with the slave mindset. I know there will be days when it will be hard, there will be days when maybe "I just don't feel like it"; I know that the struggle ahead will be to retain absolute commitment even on these bad days. And I know that over time I will adjust mentally and there will come a point where any immediate reaction to think of my self is replaced with an immediate reaction to think of Master's welfare.
In undertaking this journey I am blessed to have in my Master someone who is patient, committed to me and who will ensure that I become the very best slave I can be. Already after just two weeks I feel that I can tell an enormous difference in myself and I can only imagine how much further I will grow and adapt while under Master's care and control.
Over the last week I have seen myself relaxing further and further into Master's control. I know think of things and wonder what Master might do. I have noticed that both consciously and subconsciously I need Master's control over different aspects of my daily life. As I have said in previous postings on this blog, I feel happier and more content when Master exercises direct control and orders me to do things. For then I don't need to worry about coming to a decision for myself as I all I need to do is obey.
An example of this mindset is the fact that I need to have a haircut today. I have a College formal dinner tonight and my hair looks quite long and bad. I am getting my haircut shorter than I normally would as I already know Master likes short hair. But it makes me think how much I would rather be getting a haircut with Master. I think it would be blissful to be able to go along to the hairdresser or barber and have Master direct how my hair should be cut. In an ideal world I would be happy for Master to shave my head, but unfortunately work rules this out. But there is no reason why Master cannot control style and I am comfortable with Master to do this because he knows of the work issue, therefore he will not give me anything I cannot handle.
As I write this post, I have noticed that Master has just responded to my email about a second visit. This is probably a good opportunity to comment that for a slave an email or any communication from Master is the highlight of my day. It makes me feel happy in a way that is just so difficult to describe: blissful, relaxed, comforted, reassured. To know that Master has thought of me and taken the time to comment on something I have said or to answer a question I have asked him makes me the happiest little slave I can be.
The other thing I have been thinking about lately is how much I would like to be able to serve my Master in public, particularly in company. I think it would be an honour and a privilege if my Master trusted me sufficiently to allow me to serve him as a slave in front of other Masters and slaves and people generally comfortable with the BDSM lifestyle. I also like the idea of Master having another slave or sub to play with while I am around. I am also looking forward to receiving Master's orders and obeying them in public, and to acting with different levels of protocol depending on the environment. I think one of the most important skills a slave can learn is how to serve a Master properly in many different situations and contexts, particularly outside the Master's home, that way a slave can assist and his Master in every facet of his daily life.
Given the bulk of this post has been about gratitude, I think it is only appropriate I end it by again thanking Master from the bottom of my heart for all his attention and his time that he has given me. I am always grateful Sir.
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